Dear 16 Year Old Me,

Have you ever thought about what you would say if you could write a letter or give advice to your 16 year old self?  I've been thinking about that version of me all afternoon actually.  Two different ways to write this letter to myself came to mind and it really made me reflect on the last several years of my life.  One could be a letter of warning, written with a twinge of bitterness that you thought was gone, but was obscurely hidden like Waldo.  It might go something like this...

                                                                                               17 April, 2012  
     Dear 16 year old me,
  
     Here's a few things to watch out for.  
Don't date the first guy that asks you out.  He's gonna think you're not good enough for him and tell you that you've gained weight.  You think you you're self-conscious now...ha!  Just wait. 

Oh and when you do find the right guy and get engaged, don't take those birth control pills.  It may seem like the easiest way now, but you're almost gonna die and be in the hospital for a week with a mountain of Dr's bills and continued health concerns for the rest of your life.   

I know everything seems peachy right now.  All you have to worry about is basketball and school.  You're sweet and slightly naive, blindly trusting everyone because surely everybody is just as nice as you are.  You gotta get some thick skin though!  People are mean, irresponsible, and say hurtful things, so just go ahead and put up a wall and don't let your guard down.   

Hope this helps,

A




But then I got to thinking.  If everything happens for a reason, and God works for the good of those who love Him, there has to be a purpose and we have to choose to trust Him and find the positive even when it's hard and we don't want to!  So here's the second letter I came up with.  It could still have a cautionary theme but would also be encouraging.



                                                                                        17 April, 2012
Dear 16 year old me,
I wanted to write you a letter to encourage you!  You are beautiful, even when you don't feel like it sometimes.  Don't worry that there aren't any boys interested in you right now...you're gonna get the best of them in a few years and trust me, the wait is worth it!  Yes there will be one in your future who does not value you and will hurt you deeply.  It will feel as if your world is falling apart, but don't lose hope.  You will soon see that if you did not go through the pain of rejection and a love lost, you won't be able to truly treasure every moment that your husband tells you that you are beautiful to him!  That you are his world!  And how very thankful he is that God put you two together.  Nothing can replace the feeling you will have every time he holds your hand or gives you a big at the end of a long day!  Just be patient!


And yes, you will experience heartache from those birth control pills you took.  You will wonder why it had to be you, and why God would allow you to go through something so awful for a 21 year old to have to endure.  But don't worry.  There will be thousands of people praying for you!  And that horrid blood clot condition that you find out about...be thankful.  Because it is so much better that you find out through this trial, than to possibly go through a life-threatening pregnancy or lose several babies and have no earthly idea what the problem is.  God always has a plan and a purpose even when his methods and ideas don't seem like the best.  He will get you through anything.


You are going to need tough skin because that handsome man you married is going to be an Army Officer and baby, being a military wife ain't easy!  (It's also rubbed off on you to use a 24 hour clock and write the date weird like that!)  Not everyone is nice and there will be people who are mean and uncaring, but there is a difference between growing thick skin and having a hardened, bitter heart.   You do need to be careful who you trust, but don't let your skepticism put up a wall and keep everyone out.  You can be your sweet, caring self that loves to help other people and still have discernment. 


God's will can be a pure mystery most of the time, but never stop putting your faith in Him.  Be outgoing.  Make new friends!  Show God's love to everyone!  And remember when you're feeling down in the dumps, every Kari Jobe song will cheer you up instantly! :) 


Love,
Amanda

P.S.  Find a computer geek and a lawyer and come up with the idea for Pinterest!  Also, you have smart-phones to look forward to - Angry Birds is the bomb! 

                                 

For Those Who Are Wondering....

It's been almost a year since I had a stroke.  Sometimes it seems like it was such a long time ago!  I'm so thankful to be driving again, as well as being alive! lol  For those who are wondering, here's what's been going on with me...

I went to the Neurologist at Scott and White Hospital two days ago and got a great report!  The doctor said that I could go off of the blood thinners and start a one-a-day aspirin regimen.  He also ordered an EEG that I had done yesterday and said that if it came back normal I could also stop taking the seizure medicine, the reason being that since the seizure was provoked by the blood clot/stroke, I would be less likely to ever have one again.

Because it's a new doctor, I always have to tell them everything that happened all over again...I'm getting pretty good at it now!  When I told him the sequence of events that led up to the stroke - having major migraines for two weeks straight and then going to the doctor and getting migraine medicine prescribed the day before I went to the hospital - he said, "Hmmmm...that's interesting."  Apparently, people with a clotting disorder cannot take vasoconstricting medications called triptans, or medicine for migraines, because it constricts your veins and narrows the blood vessels thus restricting blood flow.  And he said that it was interesting that I had a stroke less than 24 hours after taking the medication!  Wow!  I can't really be mad at the doctor who prescribed it because there's no way he could have ever guessed it would only cause more problems!  Also, the Neuro doc said that the Factor V Leiden (blood clotting disorder) is usually found in people of Scandinavian descent.  Interestingly enough, my grandmother's great grandmother was from Norway!

Since I cannot be on blood thinners or aspirin while I am pregnant, when Josh and I do decide to start having kids, I will have to start giving myself shots in the stomach.  Not fun!  This is one reason why we have put off having babies for a little longer.  Ideally I would like to not be surprised by a pregnancy and think, "Oh shoot...I hope I didn't screw up my kid because I was taking medicine when I didn't realize I was pregnant!"  I know if God wants us to have a baby, I will have a baby either way, but as long as I have some control over when it happens, we will probably wait another year.

It has also been confirmed that I am a carrier of the Cystic Fibrosis gene so around the time that we decide to have kids Josh will also have to be tested to see if he is a carrier as well.

I think that's it since I can't think of anything else!

Thanks again to everyone who prayed for me!  I truly appreciate it!

A Godly Wife

A good wife makes sure that the house is clean, cooks dinner, and does laundry.  But according to the Bible, what does a godly wife look like?   I've been wanting to write this post for a while now and doing my devotions this afternoon reminded me of it.  These are some of my go-to verses when I think about what my character should be.  Not just how to be a godly wife, but also what it means to be a godly woman and how she should act.  I am in no way an expert on this topic seeing as how I've only been a wife for a year and a half!  But this is just what I've learned through reading the Word. 

Proverbs 11:16 - "A kindhearted woman gains respect."

Proverbs 11:22 - "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows now discretion." 

I googled the meaning of this verse because I was having a hard time putting my interpretation into words.  So in order to not plagiarize, I copied part of one person's thoughts on it.  "It means even though there are those who have the outer look of vanity and jewels, their heart is still not righteous and they are senseless --- a waste; like a pig with a gold ring through its nose.  It may look decorated but it still slops in the mud and hasn't a clue."

So even though someone may look beautiful on the outside, actions speak louder than words, and what you do or say is telling of what kind of character you have.

Proverbs 12:4 says that "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."  What I say and do not only reflects back on me, but also on my husband and our family's name!  When people see me I want them to think highly of my husband as well as myself!  

Proverbs 14:1 - The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. 

I found this commentary - http://www.sacred-texts.com/bib/cmt/clarke/pro014.htm and it says this:  "Every wise woman buildeth her house - By her prudent and industrious management she increases property in the family, furniture in the house, and food and raiment for her household. This is the true building of a house. The thriftless wife acts differently, and the opposite is the result. Household furniture, far from being increased, is dilapidated; and her household are ill-fed, ill-clothed, and worse educated."

Proverbs 21:9  "It is better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." 

I don't want to be argumentative or nagging to my husband.  It will only annoy him and cause him to not want to be around me.  Solomon repeats this concept 4 times in Proverbs (again in vs. 19, 25:24, 27:15), so obviously he wants to get the point across!  Maybe one of his wives was always nagging him so he was wishing he lived on the roof or in a desert!  Haha!

I have my own "breakdown" of the Proverbs 31 woman who always seems so daunting to a lowly wife like myself who strives to meet her impossible standards! 

vs. 11 - Her husband has confidence in her.

vs. 12 - She is a help meet and an encouragement to her husband!  She does not tear him down.

vs. 13-19, 21 &22, 24, 27 - She is not idle but is productive and helps provide for her family. 

vs. 20 - She is gracious and hospitable, helping those in need.  

vs. 25 - She has strength and does not fear.

vs. 26 - She speaks with wisdom. 

vs. 27 - Her husband and children bless and respect her.

vs. 30 - "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." 

I don't want to just be another pretty face, I want to have a strong relationship with Lord and through Him I will have the strength I need to get through the day and to not fear the days to come.  

And I add - She is humble.  Because we should strive to be like Jesus.  Philippians 2:3-7 - "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be as that of Christ Jesus: Who being in the very nature, God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but instead made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness."

Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord.  and in verse 33 "wives must respect their husbands."

As a Christian wife I know that my husband is the head of our family.  So I am to follow him in the ways that he thinks are best for our family.  

And for wives whose husbands are not Christians 1 Peter 3:1 & 2 says, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words but by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence in your lives."

1 Peter 3:3-5 - "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.  They were submissive to their own husbands."  

This passage makes me think back to Proverbs 11:22.  I don't think this verse is telling us that we can't fix our hair nice, or wear nice things, but that it shouldn't be our number one priority.  True beauty comes from within. And if what is inside is not beautiful, then all the outward beauty in the world will not help the way that people perceive us.  Philippians 4:5 says, "Let your gentleness be evident to all."

Like I said, I'm not a perfect woman or wife, and I'm not an expert, but this is what I've been reading in my quiet time this week and what I am striving for this year!  I want God's word to be the filter of my thoughts and actions.  

Psalm 19:14 -  Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. 

Get Uncomfortable

One of my goals for 2012 is to be more involved in our community, church and in other people's lives.  I want to be more "service oriented" than "pew occupying."  Yes, being faithful to go to church is great and we are called to build each other up because "iron sharpens iron," but I don't want to only be friends with people who are like me.  I want to be friends with people who aren't believers or who have different lifestyles than Josh and me. We are called to be fishers of men and we can't do that if all we aspire to is to have perfect church attendance.  This is something that Josh and I have talked a lot about recently and this year I want to actually be a doer of the word and not a hearer (or talker) only!  I got even more confirmation this past Sunday at church because the pastor preached an awesome sermon on the very same topic!!  He says that most Christians have become consumers instead of servants.  We have become people with great knowledge about God but do not disciple others.  We go to church and get "filled up" for the week but we keep it to ourselves.  The church can not grow if they don't have people in the congregation who are able and willing to go out and reach others for Christ.

Luke 12:48 says -Everyone to whom much was given, of him much more will be required. 

God has given us so much and we are supposed to go out and share it with others, not sit at home and keep it to ourselves! 

Even Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, did not come to earth to be served but to serve others.  (Matthew 10:45)  He, who was Holy and perfect, was ridiculed for hanging out with prostitutes and tax collectors..."sinners."  If we are supposed to be like Christ, then we need to reach out to others who aren't like us.  It IS possible to befriend those are worldly and yet not conform to the ways of the world!  I don't want to be someone who has all the book knowledge and can quote scripture left and right but yet is unwilling to be around others or share the great news of God's love because it makes me uncomfortable.   

This year I want to find ways that Josh and I can serve and be used by God.  We are supposed to be salt and light to the world and I don't want to hide my lamp under a bowl.  I want to let my light shine before everyone so that they notice a difference and that my "good deeds" will bring praise and glory to God!  (Matthew 5:13-16)  

I have to brag on my sisters because they are such a good example!  Mallory and Madison had a vision about two years ago of starting an outreach to serve the homeless.  They got their youth group involved and over the course of a couple of months got backpacks, toiletries, blankets, hats and gloves, and bibles donated.  In December 2010, Josh and I got to go with them and the other youth and deliver "Backpacks of Hope" to the homeless in downtown Nashville.  This last December they had 27 people from church, including kids, help out and they delivered 70 backpacks to the homeless.  They also passed out 50 sack lunches and prayed with people on the street!!  I can't wait to see how big it gets next year!  I am so proud of them for getting people involved and for sharing God's love to people, even if they are dirty and don't smell very nice!  I wish I could have been there to go with them.

Jesus said that whatever we do for the least of these, we do for Him!  My favorite song right now is "We Are" by Kari Jobe.

It's time to get uncomfortable.  So here's to a new year of serving, reaching out, and looking for opportunities to share the love of Jesus!  

Reflections

As I think about the new year and all the plans God has for our little family, I want to take a moment and reflect back on 2011 and all the crazy, scary, wonderful, life changing things that went on.  I have so much to be thankful for!

March 6th, 2011 - Two weeks prior to this day I started having the worst headaches of my entire life.  I've never had problems with migraines so I didn't know what was causing them.  I basically lived on Ibuprofen for two weeks because after all, it was just a headache right?  And I didn't want to miss work for a stupid headache. On March 5th, Josh took me to the doctor to see what was going on and the doctor agreed that it sounded like I was having migraines, so he prescribed some medication to help with the headaches.  The next day, Sunday, after having slept for 14 hours, I woke up disoriented, words slurring and speaking gibberish.  Josh knew right away that something was wrong.  To make a really long story somewhat short, I was taken by ambulance to the hospital in Clarksville for stroke symptoms.  I had a seizure while getting a CT scan and was then life-flighted to Skyline in Nashville where they found I had a blood clot in my brain.  The doctors told my husband and family that the mortality rate was 30 percent and  I would most likely wake up a speech deficit and possible right side paralysis.  To God be all the glory because I woke up two days later perfectly fine!  No side effects.  No problems talking.  And just a week later I was sent home!  I can't thank the Lord enough for having spared my life and for allowing me to live a normal life again!  I was told I had thousands of people praying for me all around the world!  I truly believe because of your prayers, and God's grace and mercy, that I am okay!!

After I went home from the hospital we started receiving lots of medical bills that, to us, were very expensive. We prayed that the Lord would provide for us and He came through once again!  Through the advice of a family friend we were able to get all of the hospital, ambulance, and life flight bills written off and we ended up only paying a few hundred dollars instead of thousands!  Praise the Lord for being our Provider!


May 5th and 6th, 2011 - My sweet husband commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant into the United States Army and graduated from Austin Peay State University!  I am so proud of all the accomplishments he has made and  honored to stand by his side during this next phase of our military life!  And I kind of like the title of being an officer's wife!  : )

                                          APSU Commissioning Class of 2011

                                                        Graduation Day

May 18th, 2011 - We moved out west to Ft. Sill, OK!  I was very grateful and blessed to have my mom, 6 siblings, and grandparents drive out there to help us move in!  Being in a new town and living in a new place was exciting.  But because of the seizure I had in March I was still not able to drive for six months.  Trying to stay positive and trusting the Lord for His provision, I prayed that He would give me a friend so I wouldn't be so alone while Josh was in training.  Praise God for His faithfulness because two weeks later I met my new best friend Stephani!  We became instant friends and I don't think it was any coincidence that we just so happened to live in the same apartment complex!  She was such a blessing and so helpful when I needed to a ride!  I'm so thankful for her.

                                           All the siblings and my grandfather

                                                    My new friend Stephani and Me!

September 6th, 2011 - My six months of no driving ended while I was staying with my sister-in-law, Rayna, and she let me drive her car to Starbucks to celebrate!

October 12th, 2011 - Josh graduated from Basic Officer Leader's Course in the top 20% of his class and received the award of "Master Shooter" for the highest grade in their graded shooting requirements.  Needless to say that I was very proud of him!!

November 1st, 2011 - We moved to Ft. Hood, TX where we will be stationed for the next 3 years.  I'm so glad to have a three bedroom house with a washer and dryer!  Different people have said that they hate Fort Hood and the surrounding area, but I actually love it and I'm very glad that we get to live here!  The long distance between our families is not ideal but I am learning to be content and cherish the time that we do get to see them.

November 29th, 2011 - Josh and I became an uncle and aunt!!  Matt and Rayna Wooley had a beautiful baby girl, Adalyn Elizabeth.  And we were very blessed to be able to go see them all after Christmas when we had a few extra days of leave left.  I can't wait til we see them again!

December 31st, 2011 - We rang in the New Year with our friends Cameron and Kayla and also played 4 games of Chickenfoot! :)

The year started out very scary but God was with us the whole time.  It is a good thing to look back and remember all the blessings, even in the trials, that God has given us.  I can't wait to see what will happen in 2012!

Happy New Year!!

David Wilkerson Stole My Blog Post!

I have been pondering this subject in my heart for a few weeks now.  Something that I've been struggling with for a couple of months and working on it with God's help.  I've written in my journal and wrote down a bunch of scriptures that relate and I was ready to write about it today and then I got on my blog homepage.  All the updates from the other blogs I follow and two by David Wilkerson with the topics being exactly what I wanted to write about.  I guess he beat me to it.  Haha.  (I understand that he went to be with the Lord this past April, so either Heaven has really great wifi or DW's staff still updates his blog for him :) )   The subject matter is "Taming Your Tongue," and I found all sorts of great scriptures on how Christians should talk and act.

I was homeschooled all my life, went to church with Christian friends, and worked with Christian employers.  Being in that sort of environment, foul language was not a temptation; not even a thought in my mind.  However, as a military spouse, it is a COMPLETELY different story.  Being around non-Christians, soldiers, and even Christians whose conviction are different than my own, has been a challenge for me.  I would be lying if I said I haven't been in a frustrating situation where my tongue has not been guarded.  Granted, I've been by myself at home but that's no excuse...I still have the Holy Spirit that immediately reprimands.  I used to look at other people and think, "Well my goodness, I can't believe they said that!  They are Christians.  They shouldn't talk like that or say those things."  But I didn't realize how incredibly easy it is to slip up and say certain things when you are not guarding your heart and your tongue.  I thought I could be strong enough to do the right thing, but when you hear that kind of language every single day, at the gym, grocery store, restaurants, with non-Christian friends...you get calloused and desensitized.  Things start to not sound as bad or offensive as they did before.  And if you are not daily renewing your mind with God's word, those pricks from the Holy Spirit don't seem to happen as often.  I want my speech to be pure and glorifying to the Lord and I'm sorry that I have slipped.  I have asked His forgiveness and I know that He has forgiven me.  I'm so thankful that there is nothing that can separate me from His love!!   So here are the verses of conviction, encouragement, instruction and reminders of God that I have found for Taming the Tongue and Guarding Your Heart. (of course David Wilkerson's posts are a little more eloquent than mine!)

Psalm 39: 1 - I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin.
Proverbs 4:24 -Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Proverbs 13:3 - Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.
Proverbs 16:23 - A wise man's heart guides his mouth and his lips promote instruction.
Matthew 12:34 - Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
Ephesians 4:29 - Do not let anything unwholesome come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up that it may benefit those who listen.  (Thanks mom for making us memorize that one! lol)
Colossians 3:8 - But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
Colossians 4:6 - Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how to answer everyone.
2 Timothy 2:16 - Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it become more and more ungodly.
James 3:5-6 - Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.  Consider what a great fores is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.  verse 8-10 - But no man can tame the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.  Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers, this should not be.

We've all heard that if you let trash in, trash will come out.  So concerning matters of the heart:

Romans 12:2 - Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will.
Ephesians 5:1 tell us to "Be imitators of God."  (How does He want me to act?)
Galatians 5:16-17 - So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.
1 Thessalonians 2:4 - On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel.  We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.
2 Thessalonians 3:13 - And as for you brothers, never tire of doing what is right.

2 Peter 1:3-9
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  If anyone does not have these, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. 

I don't want my Christian testimony to be ruined by anything that I say.  I don't want to be "ineffective and unproductive."  Psalm 19:12-13 says, "But who can discern their own errors?  Forgive my hidden faults.  Keep your servant also from willful sins.  May they not rule over me."  I had never thought about those "willful" sins...doing something even though you know it is wrong.  Lord may they not rule over me!  James says that NO man can tame the tongue.  Knowing that I can not do this in my own strength, I am relying on the grace of God and His strength that I may glorify Him in everything that I do.


"May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."  (Psalm 19:14)

Pinterest

Since I tend to "pin" things like recipes and crafts, but I never end up doing anything with them, I made this pin for Pinterest!