I have been pondering this subject in my heart for a few weeks now. Something that I've been struggling with for a couple of months and working on it with God's help. I've written in my journal and wrote down a bunch of scriptures that relate and I was ready to write about it today and then I got on my blog homepage. All the updates from the other blogs I follow and two by David Wilkerson with the topics being exactly what I wanted to write about. I guess he beat me to it. Haha. (I understand that he went to be with the Lord this past April, so either Heaven has really great wifi or DW's staff still updates his blog for him :) ) The subject matter is "Taming Your Tongue," and I found all sorts of great scriptures on how Christians should talk and act.
I was homeschooled all my life, went to church with Christian friends, and worked with Christian employers. Being in that sort of environment, foul language was not a temptation; not even a thought in my mind. However, as a military spouse, it is a COMPLETELY different story. Being around non-Christians, soldiers, and even Christians whose conviction are different than my own, has been a challenge for me. I would be lying if I said I haven't been in a frustrating situation where my tongue has not been guarded. Granted, I've been by myself at home but that's no excuse...I still have the Holy Spirit that immediately reprimands. I used to look at other people and think, "Well my goodness, I can't believe they said that! They are Christians. They shouldn't talk like that or say those things." But I didn't realize how incredibly easy it is to slip up and say certain things when you are not guarding your heart and your tongue. I thought I could be strong enough to do the right thing, but when you hear that kind of language every single day, at the gym, grocery store, restaurants, with non-Christian friends...you get calloused and desensitized. Things start to not sound as bad or offensive as they did before. And if you are not daily renewing your mind with God's word, those pricks from the Holy Spirit don't seem to happen as often. I want my speech to be pure and glorifying to the Lord and I'm sorry that I have slipped. I have asked His forgiveness and I know that He has forgiven me. I'm so thankful that there is nothing that can separate me from His love!! So here are the verses of conviction, encouragement, instruction and reminders of God that I have found for Taming the Tongue and Guarding Your Heart. (of course David Wilkerson's posts are a little more eloquent than mine!)
Psalm 39: 1 - I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin.
Proverbs 4:24 -Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Proverbs 13:3 - Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.
Proverbs 16:23 - A wise man's heart guides his mouth and his lips promote instruction.
Matthew 12:34 - Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
Ephesians 4:29 - Do not let anything unwholesome come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up that it may benefit those who listen. (Thanks mom for making us memorize that one! lol)
Colossians 3:8 - But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
Colossians 4:6 - Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how to answer everyone.
2 Timothy 2:16 - Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it become more and more ungodly.
James 3:5-6 - Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great fores is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. verse 8-10 - But no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
We've all heard that if you let trash in, trash will come out. So concerning matters of the heart:
Romans 12:2 - Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will.
Ephesians 5:1 tell us to "Be imitators of God." (How does He want me to act?)
Galatians 5:16-17 - So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature.
1 Thessalonians 2:4 - On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.
2 Thessalonians 3:13 - And as for you brothers, never tire of doing what is right.
2 Peter 1:3-9
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. If anyone does not have these, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
I don't want my Christian testimony to be ruined by anything that I say. I don't want to be "ineffective and unproductive." Psalm 19:12-13 says, "But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins. May they not rule over me." I had never thought about those "willful" sins...doing something even though you know it is wrong. Lord may they not rule over me! James says that NO man can tame the tongue. Knowing that I can not do this in my own strength, I am relying on the grace of God and His strength that I may glorify Him in everything that I do.
"May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." (Psalm 19:14)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Since I tend to "pin" things like recipes and crafts, but I never end up doing anything with them, I made this pin for Pinterest!
Friday, October 14, 2011
This One Thing I Do
It's been a while. But I finally have something to write about again. I drank coffee before I went to bed and now I can't sleep, so I figured I would write til I get tired. Ha!
I have started going to PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) on post every Tuesday morning. They have a time of worship and then a ladies' Bible Study. It's a great time of fellowship and meeting with other Christian women who are also military spouses. The chapter I just went through last week was titled, "This One Thing I Do." It is taken from Philippians 3:13-14 where Paul says, "Brethren, I do not regard myself of having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Basically the whole chapter is about abiding with God and being in relationship with Him; getting to know Jesus Christ more and more with Him being the number one priority in your life. There is a part in the book that talks about King David who "had many responsibilities, and there were many demands upon his time; but his number one priority was seeking God's face." C.S.Lewis wrote, "When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased." Kind of like the whole "seek first His kingdom and all these will be added to you" mentality. If I put God first, the rest of the day seems to fall into place and I still have time to do all the things that need to get done.
I was thinking to myself tonight that sometimes I feel like I'm good at a lot of thing but not really great at any one thing. I was good at piano, but I couldn't hardly read sheet music to save my life and I ended up slowly letting it go. I was good at Spanish, and absolutely loved learning it, but I didn't pursue it to become great. I didn't really enjoy school, so I learned what I had to to get good grades, but I had a hard time retaining information. But going through this Bible study has given me a different perspective I guess. I'm realizing that the one thing I would LOVE to excel at is having an awesome relationship with Jesus Christ! Not just by going to church every Sunday, but really seeking His face every single day. Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." That kind of transformation needs to happen daily. I have experienced it a little bit in the past couple of weeks. I realized that there are a few things that I would have gotten stressed out about a few months ago, but lately I've had sense of peace, knowing that it is beyond my control and that God will take care of it for me. He has brought to my attention several similar instances in the past where He has provided for me and I think to myself, "I'm sorry I forgot about that Lord! You're right. I trust You." And it's such a great feeling. I used to feel bad when I didn't spend at least an hour with the Lord every day. But there's another quote in this study that says, "My time with God is not always extensive, but I make the effort to sit at His feet consistently. I think that consistency and attitude of heart is more important than the length of time we spend." That was a comforting thought for me; to know that as long as I am consistently making an effort, the Lord will bless me for having the right attitude. I want to be so close to Him that I can emanate His love to everyone I come in contact with. I'm not perfect and I haven't spent as much time in the Word as I would like, but I am trying to change that now! I don't want to be just okay at many different things. I want to be really good at one and one that is the most important. When I die I want people to remember me for my relationship with Christ. Not that I played basketball once, or that I tried my hand at cake decorating, but that I loved Jesus with my whole heart!! I want my life to truly matter!
That's it for tonight. I have two more topics and an update of our crazy Army life to write about that I will hopefully get to in the next couple of days!
I have started going to PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) on post every Tuesday morning. They have a time of worship and then a ladies' Bible Study. It's a great time of fellowship and meeting with other Christian women who are also military spouses. The chapter I just went through last week was titled, "This One Thing I Do." It is taken from Philippians 3:13-14 where Paul says, "Brethren, I do not regard myself of having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Basically the whole chapter is about abiding with God and being in relationship with Him; getting to know Jesus Christ more and more with Him being the number one priority in your life. There is a part in the book that talks about King David who "had many responsibilities, and there were many demands upon his time; but his number one priority was seeking God's face." C.S.Lewis wrote, "When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased." Kind of like the whole "seek first His kingdom and all these will be added to you" mentality. If I put God first, the rest of the day seems to fall into place and I still have time to do all the things that need to get done.
I was thinking to myself tonight that sometimes I feel like I'm good at a lot of thing but not really great at any one thing. I was good at piano, but I couldn't hardly read sheet music to save my life and I ended up slowly letting it go. I was good at Spanish, and absolutely loved learning it, but I didn't pursue it to become great. I didn't really enjoy school, so I learned what I had to to get good grades, but I had a hard time retaining information. But going through this Bible study has given me a different perspective I guess. I'm realizing that the one thing I would LOVE to excel at is having an awesome relationship with Jesus Christ! Not just by going to church every Sunday, but really seeking His face every single day. Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." That kind of transformation needs to happen daily. I have experienced it a little bit in the past couple of weeks. I realized that there are a few things that I would have gotten stressed out about a few months ago, but lately I've had sense of peace, knowing that it is beyond my control and that God will take care of it for me. He has brought to my attention several similar instances in the past where He has provided for me and I think to myself, "I'm sorry I forgot about that Lord! You're right. I trust You." And it's such a great feeling. I used to feel bad when I didn't spend at least an hour with the Lord every day. But there's another quote in this study that says, "My time with God is not always extensive, but I make the effort to sit at His feet consistently. I think that consistency and attitude of heart is more important than the length of time we spend." That was a comforting thought for me; to know that as long as I am consistently making an effort, the Lord will bless me for having the right attitude. I want to be so close to Him that I can emanate His love to everyone I come in contact with. I'm not perfect and I haven't spent as much time in the Word as I would like, but I am trying to change that now! I don't want to be just okay at many different things. I want to be really good at one and one that is the most important. When I die I want people to remember me for my relationship with Christ. Not that I played basketball once, or that I tried my hand at cake decorating, but that I loved Jesus with my whole heart!! I want my life to truly matter!
That's it for tonight. I have two more topics and an update of our crazy Army life to write about that I will hopefully get to in the next couple of days!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Breaking Free
It's been a while since I wrote. But tonight as I started a new bible study by Beth Moore (she rocks, btw!) I got inspired to write again. She has a way of being inspirational! I started her study "Breaking Free" and it is so refreshing to read the word and see it in a new light, even though it's something I have probably read a million times! And lately, anything I read in the Bible has been like cold water on a hot day and refreshing to my soul! I did pretty good keeping up with my quiet time before we moved but then things got crazy after we got to Oklahoma so I have been trying to make time where I can to get back into the swing of things. I had to pause the cd for a moment so I could write this down before I forget.
I'm reading in the book of Isaiah found a little fun fact! Beth said that Isaiah has been called a "miniature Bible" because of the similarities it has to the entire Word. The Bible is made up of 66 books; the first 39 in the Old Testament, and the latter 27 in the New Testament. Isaiah has 66 chapters; the first 39, like the OT, have a theme of judgment and captivity. The latter 27, like the NT, deal with restoration and returning to God!
The passage that I just read is Luke 4:14-21, which reads:
Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. He taught in their synagogues and everyone praised him. He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it was written: (Isaiah 61:1-2) "The Spirit of the Lord is on me because he has appointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing."
Gives me chills reading that! I looked up the word "oppressed" and it is synonymous to "depressed," suggesting the psychological effect of unpleasant conditions, situations, etc. that sadden or discourage. I'm not really depressed but there are those times when, even though I can count the many blessings I have at the moment, those few situations that discourage or sadden me seem to be bigger than the good things that are happening. But reading that Christ has come to release the oppressed and that I can "cast my cares on him" is supremely comforting. And I'm glad that I made the time to read a little tonight because I needed that reminder. He has a perfect will and has great plans for me. He knows what He is doing. He is infinitely bigger than my petty problems and will always take care of me! I just need to stop worrying about what I can not do and let Him do it.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6.
Such comfort!
I'm reading in the book of Isaiah found a little fun fact! Beth said that Isaiah has been called a "miniature Bible" because of the similarities it has to the entire Word. The Bible is made up of 66 books; the first 39 in the Old Testament, and the latter 27 in the New Testament. Isaiah has 66 chapters; the first 39, like the OT, have a theme of judgment and captivity. The latter 27, like the NT, deal with restoration and returning to God!
The passage that I just read is Luke 4:14-21, which reads:
Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. He taught in their synagogues and everyone praised him. He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it was written: (Isaiah 61:1-2) "The Spirit of the Lord is on me because he has appointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing."
Gives me chills reading that! I looked up the word "oppressed" and it is synonymous to "depressed," suggesting the psychological effect of unpleasant conditions, situations, etc. that sadden or discourage. I'm not really depressed but there are those times when, even though I can count the many blessings I have at the moment, those few situations that discourage or sadden me seem to be bigger than the good things that are happening. But reading that Christ has come to release the oppressed and that I can "cast my cares on him" is supremely comforting. And I'm glad that I made the time to read a little tonight because I needed that reminder. He has a perfect will and has great plans for me. He knows what He is doing. He is infinitely bigger than my petty problems and will always take care of me! I just need to stop worrying about what I can not do and let Him do it.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6.
Such comfort!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Blogito - (tiny blog in Spanish).....
Well...I kind of made that name up! Just a short little blog to say that I am really excited because tomorrow night is our military ball and I have a new dress that I can't wait to wear! And I am super excited to see my husband in his smashing dress blues uniform. He tried it on for me the other day, and I must say he does look quite handsome! My sisters, Mallory and Madison, are coming to help me get ready and Mallory is going to take a few pictures of Josh and I together. I will be sure to post the pictures after she gets them to me! I will try to take some pictures while we are at the event, but I have a bad "picture-taking" reputation....I never take any pictures! Too bad my sister-in-law Rayna won't be there...she's the picture taking queen! Oh well. I will do my best!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Moving to OK, doctors, and such.
We have 5 weeks left until we move to Lawton, OK, and I am starting to feel like I'm running out of time. So many things are starting to pile up on my plate right now, and I am trying to keep track of everything. And to top it all off, I have doctors appointments to fit in with Josh's schedule because I still can not drive. Today I am looking for apartments, filing taxes (nothing like good ol' procrastination!) and cleaning house! In a few short weeks I will have to start packing for our trek across the country. Josh told me that I may actually see my first tornado living in Oklahoma...not exactly on my bucket list! Ha ha! I am looking forward to this great adventure I am starting with my best friend, but the closer it gets I am starting to get sad about leaving our family and friends. Hopefully I will be able to make a trip back every few months but we will have to see. The bright side is that we will be living about 30-40 minutes away from my dad's aunt and uncle, so we will at least know someone! And apparently there are classes and a "support group" for the soldier's wives and I am looking forward to meeting new people and hopefully make a few friends! The other struggle I am having is grocery shopping! I am trying to use what we have and not buy too much more since we may not use it all in the next couple of weeks! I know it is probably a silly thought, but my fear of moving so far away and not being able to see family but once or twice a year is that my brothers won't really remember me because they are so young right now. Hopefully with our wonderful, technological advances such as cell phones and Skype, that fear will not come true.
As far as my health goes, I just had a CT scan of my brain yesterday that came complete with an IV and dye! Oh joy. Yes...I did start to hyperventilate and even cried when the guy mentioned that he was going to put an IV in. I am not ashamed at all! I am so terrified of needles! It has gotten better with all the practice I have had in the last few weeks but I still have not gotten over the mental aspect of it yet. However, I am kind of proud of myself because the guy used a really large needle yesterday and I did really well. I don't think I have had a needle that large ever, because this is the first time I have been able to actually see the hole that it made in my arm. Yikes!! I also have another appointment next week to look forward to....NOT! I am scheduled to see the hematologist next Wednesday and he wants to draw MORE blood. : ( I had over 20 vials drawn during my lovely week-long stay at Skyline, so I am not sure why he wants more. (Maybe he is really a vampire....with a last name like Kuzur and his German accent...I am pretty sure he is the "Count" from Sesame Street...."Ah ha ha ha ha....let me suck your blood!") OK...I'm done! Ha ha! Anywho...all that to say that I think I am slowly overcoming my fear of needles. All by God's grace of course!
Next Thursday, I have my follow-up appointment with the Neurologist to see what the results are from my CT scan. I am praying that he will see that everything is fine and that I have not had any problems and maybe....just maybe...he will release me to start driving! I am just trying to not get my hopes up though.
I do not think that I could have gotten through all that I have in the last month without the saving grace of my Jesus! He sure did help me get through a LOT! I am so very thankful for the prayers that were lifted up on my behalf! What a joy to know that I had brothers and sisters all over the world praying for me! I am truly blessed.
As far as my health goes, I just had a CT scan of my brain yesterday that came complete with an IV and dye! Oh joy. Yes...I did start to hyperventilate and even cried when the guy mentioned that he was going to put an IV in. I am not ashamed at all! I am so terrified of needles! It has gotten better with all the practice I have had in the last few weeks but I still have not gotten over the mental aspect of it yet. However, I am kind of proud of myself because the guy used a really large needle yesterday and I did really well. I don't think I have had a needle that large ever, because this is the first time I have been able to actually see the hole that it made in my arm. Yikes!! I also have another appointment next week to look forward to....NOT! I am scheduled to see the hematologist next Wednesday and he wants to draw MORE blood. : ( I had over 20 vials drawn during my lovely week-long stay at Skyline, so I am not sure why he wants more. (Maybe he is really a vampire....with a last name like Kuzur and his German accent...I am pretty sure he is the "Count" from Sesame Street...."Ah ha ha ha ha....let me suck your blood!") OK...I'm done! Ha ha! Anywho...all that to say that I think I am slowly overcoming my fear of needles. All by God's grace of course!
Next Thursday, I have my follow-up appointment with the Neurologist to see what the results are from my CT scan. I am praying that he will see that everything is fine and that I have not had any problems and maybe....just maybe...he will release me to start driving! I am just trying to not get my hopes up though.
I do not think that I could have gotten through all that I have in the last month without the saving grace of my Jesus! He sure did help me get through a LOT! I am so very thankful for the prayers that were lifted up on my behalf! What a joy to know that I had brothers and sisters all over the world praying for me! I am truly blessed.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Out of the Blue
Today, I feel the love of God. It's been a while since I have truly felt it and I know why. It is kind of hard to know that someone loves you if you rarely spend time with them, and that is entirely my fault. I have so much to be thankful for, and especially with the recent events in my life you would think it would push me even more to spend time with the One who has saved me and restored me to health; constantly providing for my every need. At first I thought that with me being home more it would give me plenty of opportunities for devotions and having a quiet time. But I have found that the world offers so many distractions and other things that I know are less important and I still allow them to take precedence over the time I could spend with the Lord. I discovered that when I get out of the daily habit - no, the daily privilege - of spending even just a few minutes with the Lover of my soul, it slowly becomes easier to do other things. Circumstances, disappointments, financial struggles and more have also caused me to forget all the good things He has already done in my life because I am so focused on the present and what is directly in front of me. I have briefly lost sight of all the good He is extremely capable of and have placed my Lord in a box. My trust and faith in His power have waned because I allowed my circumstances to dictate what I believe, when I should be going to His Word to discover what God's will and perfect plan for my life is.
My heart felt a small prick this afternoon and that still small voice reminded me, "I still love you, Amanda." Every time I think about that short moment, it makes me get all choked up and teary-eyed. To think that I have left my first love and chosen other things to spend time on makes me feel sad. I feel so humbled and have to remind myself of how incredibly unworthy I am to have Someone who loves me so dearly. After the way I have treated my Lord the past few months, I feel so undeserving; so ashamed. I realized that I am a dirty, filthy sinner. And yet I am saved by His grace and He continues to whisper those three little words to woo me back to Him even when I have walked my own way. Needless to say, my goal now is to find ways to show God that I love Him instead of just giving Him lip-service. Because as we all know, actions speak louder than words. I rejoice in knowing that nothing will ever be able to separate me from the love of God; not even me!
Psalm 103
1 Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The Holy Spirit has definitely been my Comforter today and has reminded me of these passages so that my spirit is lifted. Here is one more passage I found in John chapter 14.
15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you...But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I don't believe that this passage was meant only for the disciples, who were able to physically walk with Jesus and hear Him speak. Not only has the Father left His Holy Spirit for us as a guide, but He has also left His written Word so that the words and teachings of Jesus can still be passed on to other believers who did not have the awesome privilege of being with Him in the flesh every day! And because we have His Word to read, study, and learn from, the Holy Spirit that is living inside us is able to remind us of those things that the Lord has taught us!! So that when hard times come, we have a reminder of who our Jehovah Rapha is; our Provider, Rock, Redeemer, Deliverer; Name above all names; the only One who is worthy of our praise. The only One who is able to love us so incredibly and unconditionally that we can not even fathom the depths of His love for us!! I am so thankful that His "mercies are new every morning" and that I get to start over with a clean slate tomorrow!
And so out of the blue today, a still small voice reminded me of His unfathomable love and called me back in to His forgiving and loving arms. "Oh how I love Jesus...because He first loved me!"
If [I am] faithless,
He remains faithful,
for He cannot disown himself.
He remains faithful,
for He cannot disown himself.
2 Timothy 2:13
What a beautiful reminder.
My heart felt a small prick this afternoon and that still small voice reminded me, "I still love you, Amanda." Every time I think about that short moment, it makes me get all choked up and teary-eyed. To think that I have left my first love and chosen other things to spend time on makes me feel sad. I feel so humbled and have to remind myself of how incredibly unworthy I am to have Someone who loves me so dearly. After the way I have treated my Lord the past few months, I feel so undeserving; so ashamed. I realized that I am a dirty, filthy sinner. And yet I am saved by His grace and He continues to whisper those three little words to woo me back to Him even when I have walked my own way. Needless to say, my goal now is to find ways to show God that I love Him instead of just giving Him lip-service. Because as we all know, actions speak louder than words. I rejoice in knowing that nothing will ever be able to separate me from the love of God; not even me!
Psalm 103
1 Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The Holy Spirit has definitely been my Comforter today and has reminded me of these passages so that my spirit is lifted. Here is one more passage I found in John chapter 14.
15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you...But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
I don't believe that this passage was meant only for the disciples, who were able to physically walk with Jesus and hear Him speak. Not only has the Father left His Holy Spirit for us as a guide, but He has also left His written Word so that the words and teachings of Jesus can still be passed on to other believers who did not have the awesome privilege of being with Him in the flesh every day! And because we have His Word to read, study, and learn from, the Holy Spirit that is living inside us is able to remind us of those things that the Lord has taught us!! So that when hard times come, we have a reminder of who our Jehovah Rapha is; our Provider, Rock, Redeemer, Deliverer; Name above all names; the only One who is worthy of our praise. The only One who is able to love us so incredibly and unconditionally that we can not even fathom the depths of His love for us!! I am so thankful that His "mercies are new every morning" and that I get to start over with a clean slate tomorrow!
And so out of the blue today, a still small voice reminded me of His unfathomable love and called me back in to His forgiving and loving arms. "Oh how I love Jesus...because He first loved me!"
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Fun Facts
These are just some random thoughts I had and got me thinking about different things that could be fun facts about me!
That's all I can think of for now. I guess I'll write about something that is a little more serious later on!
- Favorite actors - Russell Crowe, Liam Neeson, Matthew McConaughey, Denzel Washington, Jude Law, Adam Sandler, Matt Damon, Jim Carrey
- Favorite Actresses - Sandra Bullock, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet, Kate Hudson, Emily Blunt,
- I adore Kate Middleton and love her hair, clothing, and that she's going to be a princess, duh!
- I can not wait to be a mom someday! I love babies and have this innate desire to be a great mommy! I also have 21 friends on facebook that are either pregnant or just recently had a baby, so the baby bug is alive and well ;)
- I have kissed a toad for a dollar and it completely grossed Josh out!
- I love cooking and trying new recipes.
- Sam's Club is my favorite place to go on Saturday!
- I love classical music and I deeply miss playing the piano. Unfortunately, I like to play by ear and it takes months for me to learn a piece of music because I can't read sheet music very well.
- I love reading and have over 300 books in my personal collection. They are currently tucked away in storage waiting to be unpacked. I have lots of classics and have read most of my books at least twice!
- I am the proud owner of a Dyson ball vacuum! I took a challenge from Josh to give up Starbucks coffee for 6 months and save up the money to pay for it!
- I'm addicted to Starbucks coffee and that challenge was definitely difficult!
- I am completely terrified of needles. So much so that I always cry when I have to have blood drawn or when I had to give myself blood thinner shots in my stomach.
- My husband taught me how to do push-ups. When I first started, I could barely do two. My recent record is being able to do 10 sets of 10.
- I love grape popsicles.
- When I had my stroke/seizure and was in the hospital for a week, I refused to eat the hospital food! My husband and family were gracious and brought food for me!
- I will be an aunt in December and I am extremely excited!
- I have songs on my ipod by Selena Gomez and Willow Smith.....for my inner tweenager! "I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth.....
- Josh and I are sponsoring a 4 year old little boy from Haiti through Compassion International and he is absolutely adorable!
That's all I can think of for now. I guess I'll write about something that is a little more serious later on!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Counting the Days!
We have several big things coming up soon and also a few updates. Josh has been such a great husband to keep people posted but I think he's a little tired out from updates and phone calls. He has never been one to talk on the phone for long periods of time anyway, but that is okay because I am just getting started! So if you're wondering what is going on with me, I will be posting updates periodically!
1. Tomorrow I go to the doctor to have my blood checked again. They are checking the INR level,(International Normalized Ratio) which is used to determine the clotting tendency of the blood. A normal level is 1. Mine needs to be between a 2.0-3.0 before I can get off the blood thinner injection and then I will only have to take it in a pill form. I had the level checked on Monday and it was at 1.6. I am REALLY praying that it is a 2.0 tomorrow! I have an extreme fear of needles and having to give myself a shot in the stomach has not been fun or easy on my nerves! I am NOT exaggerating. I cry every time!
2. 22 days - My follow-up appointment with the Neurologist on April 7th. I found out this past Monday, when I had my blood checked, that there's a possibility I could get signed off by the Neurologist to be able to drive again after evaluation! Apparently the exception to the rule is the fact that I only had a stroke due to the blood clot, and it's not a re-occurring thing. I am still planning on having to wait 6 months so I do not get my hopes up, but I am glad there is a slim chance that I could drive earlier!
3. 31 days - On April 16th we will have the ROTC Military Ball! I just bought a new, dark blue dress and Josh will be wearing his new Officer's dress blues. I can not wait! He is going to look absolutely smashing and I do love a man in uniform! : )
4. 50 days - On May 5th, my husband will receive his Officer's commissioning as a 2nd Lieutenant in the United States Army! I can not wait to stand by him for the pinning ceremony and I'm sure his mom is just as excited! She and I will both have the privilege of pinning his bars on his shoulders. I am so very proud of him and the dedication and love he displays for his country. I am honored to be his wife and to start this journey with him as we enter the Army life.
5. 51 days - The next day, on May 6th, Josh will also graduate from Austin Peay State University! Yay! It is almost here! Again, I am so very proud of him.
6. 65 days - We will be moving to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, May 20th. I have mixed emotions about this, being happy about moving to a new place but also being sad about leaving family. Our moving date is going to be here before I know it and I am already feeling like I don't have enough time left!
Well, I am going to go take a nap now! I will post more updates whenever I can!
1. Tomorrow I go to the doctor to have my blood checked again. They are checking the INR level,(International Normalized Ratio) which is used to determine the clotting tendency of the blood. A normal level is 1. Mine needs to be between a 2.0-3.0 before I can get off the blood thinner injection and then I will only have to take it in a pill form. I had the level checked on Monday and it was at 1.6. I am REALLY praying that it is a 2.0 tomorrow! I have an extreme fear of needles and having to give myself a shot in the stomach has not been fun or easy on my nerves! I am NOT exaggerating. I cry every time!
2. 22 days - My follow-up appointment with the Neurologist on April 7th. I found out this past Monday, when I had my blood checked, that there's a possibility I could get signed off by the Neurologist to be able to drive again after evaluation! Apparently the exception to the rule is the fact that I only had a stroke due to the blood clot, and it's not a re-occurring thing. I am still planning on having to wait 6 months so I do not get my hopes up, but I am glad there is a slim chance that I could drive earlier!
3. 31 days - On April 16th we will have the ROTC Military Ball! I just bought a new, dark blue dress and Josh will be wearing his new Officer's dress blues. I can not wait! He is going to look absolutely smashing and I do love a man in uniform! : )
4. 50 days - On May 5th, my husband will receive his Officer's commissioning as a 2nd Lieutenant in the United States Army! I can not wait to stand by him for the pinning ceremony and I'm sure his mom is just as excited! She and I will both have the privilege of pinning his bars on his shoulders. I am so very proud of him and the dedication and love he displays for his country. I am honored to be his wife and to start this journey with him as we enter the Army life.
5. 51 days - The next day, on May 6th, Josh will also graduate from Austin Peay State University! Yay! It is almost here! Again, I am so very proud of him.
6. 65 days - We will be moving to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, May 20th. I have mixed emotions about this, being happy about moving to a new place but also being sad about leaving family. Our moving date is going to be here before I know it and I am already feeling like I don't have enough time left!
Well, I am going to go take a nap now! I will post more updates whenever I can!
Monday, March 14, 2011
More Than All We Ask or Imagine
I had a near-death experience a week ago on Sunday, March 6th. A blood clot formed in my brain and caused me to have a stroke and a seizure. I was life-flighted from Gateway Hospital in Clarksville to Skyline Medical in Nashville, where the Neurologist told my husband and my parents to expect me to have a speech deficit and that I may not be able to walk or remember anything. I was sedated and on a ventilator for two days, and when I woke up on Tuesday I looked at my husband and the first thing I said was, "I need you!" I could talk!! It took a while for the medication to wear off so I still don't remember much from Tuesday. I definitely don't remember anything from Sunday or Monday. I keep telling my husband, Josh, that it is so very weird to me to not remember two days of my life! I was "awake" but I never knew that the paramedics picked me up from the apartment in an ambulance and took me to the hospital. I had a CT scan, then ended up having a seizure immediately afterward. I was rushed through the hallway on a gurney, then placed on a helicopter that took me to Skyline. I just don't remember, and I can't get over that fact because it's such a strange feeling! I was taken off the ventilator on Monday, and I'm told that I threw a right hook and punched Josh because they were trying to hold me down! He talked to me all day, calming me down, and I listened to him. I woke up on Tuesday to many family members and friends, and I cried while hugging everyone! Needless to say I feel extremely blessed today, and I will tell everyone of the greatness of the Lord! I owe everything to Him! I was only in the hospital for a week, for a condition that the doctor said 30% of people die from. The miracle for me is not necessarily that I didn't die, even though that is awesome! In my mind, the real miracle is that I have NO brain injuries and can walk and talk with NO problems! I have a whole new outlook on life now! However, I currently have some difficulties that will last for six months, maybe even longer. And while I am grateful and praising the Lord, I still have to remind myself to be positive and think of those things that I am thankful for. I will not let Satan remind me of a few difficult things and let those small things outweigh the many GREAT things!
The few difficult things are:
1. I have to be seizure-free for six months before I can start driving again. This one is hard to not get dejected about because I am so independent!
2. Being unable to drive poses problems with getting to and from work.
3. The medications I am on cause me to think a little bit slower than normal and I have trouble concentrating when I'm talking. I lose my train of thought more easily which is frustrating! It kind of makes it hard to write notes now because I don't know if I wrote anything out of order and I have to have my husband proof-read it!
4. I just recently signed up for an exercise program at Josh's school called "Bootcamp," and I was SUPER excited to do it for eight weeks. Now I will not be able to participate, and I'm really bummed about it because I love working out.
Here are the positive things that I have thought of thus far:
1. I will have more time to read, and I am making a list of books that would interest me. I would also like to try to read through the entire Bible, which I have never done before!
2. Since I will be home so much, I am going to go through all of the cookbooks that I got from our wedding and try some new recipes!
3. Since I am not able work out or do anything strenuous, I plan to take a walk outside and will jump at every opportunity to do so whenever the weather is nice!
4. I would love some suggestions on different, little hobbies or projects that I could work on to keep myself busy! If you would like to post a comment at the bottom of the page or send me a facebook message, I would love any ideas! Then I will post an update soon on what my goals are!
Psalm 126:3 - The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy!
This is one of my favorite verses right now! My mom also shared this next verse with me while I was in the hospital ...
Ephesians 3:20 - Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.
I would also like to thank everyone who has prayed for me. I truly appreciate it and it is hard to imagine just how many people that were lifting up their prayers that I do not even know! Your prayers have been a complete blessing to me and my family. I put this as my status on facebook this morning, but I am just so completely overwhelmed by the love of Jesus right now! Today, my prayer is that God will be able to use me through this experience to show others His power, and share His love. And that they will know the same awesome God that I do! My heart is filled with so much joy, and I give all the praise and glory to the Lord for everything He has done for me this week!
The few difficult things are:
1. I have to be seizure-free for six months before I can start driving again. This one is hard to not get dejected about because I am so independent!
2. Being unable to drive poses problems with getting to and from work.
3. The medications I am on cause me to think a little bit slower than normal and I have trouble concentrating when I'm talking. I lose my train of thought more easily which is frustrating! It kind of makes it hard to write notes now because I don't know if I wrote anything out of order and I have to have my husband proof-read it!
4. I just recently signed up for an exercise program at Josh's school called "Bootcamp," and I was SUPER excited to do it for eight weeks. Now I will not be able to participate, and I'm really bummed about it because I love working out.
Here are the positive things that I have thought of thus far:
1. I will have more time to read, and I am making a list of books that would interest me. I would also like to try to read through the entire Bible, which I have never done before!
2. Since I will be home so much, I am going to go through all of the cookbooks that I got from our wedding and try some new recipes!
3. Since I am not able work out or do anything strenuous, I plan to take a walk outside and will jump at every opportunity to do so whenever the weather is nice!
4. I would love some suggestions on different, little hobbies or projects that I could work on to keep myself busy! If you would like to post a comment at the bottom of the page or send me a facebook message, I would love any ideas! Then I will post an update soon on what my goals are!
Psalm 126:3 - The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy!
This is one of my favorite verses right now! My mom also shared this next verse with me while I was in the hospital ...
Ephesians 3:20 - Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.
I would also like to thank everyone who has prayed for me. I truly appreciate it and it is hard to imagine just how many people that were lifting up their prayers that I do not even know! Your prayers have been a complete blessing to me and my family. I put this as my status on facebook this morning, but I am just so completely overwhelmed by the love of Jesus right now! Today, my prayer is that God will be able to use me through this experience to show others His power, and share His love. And that they will know the same awesome God that I do! My heart is filled with so much joy, and I give all the praise and glory to the Lord for everything He has done for me this week!
Monday, February 28, 2011
What's Going On with the Wooleys
I'd like to start out by saying that I'm really tired of all the rain. It's so gloomy and the bottoms of my jeans get wet because I'm short and can't ever find any length that fits right! So I'm thankful for the super cute rain boots that Josh got me for Christmas.
I also haven't been feeling very well since the beginning of last week: swollen lymph nodes, constant headache, and now my chest hurts when I breathe. Going to get it checked out today and I'm a little peeved that I have to miss work.
But I do have good news! Josh and I found out this past Friday when we will be moving to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma and also where we will be stationed after the five month training at Ft. Sill. Josh has to report to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma on May 31st. Which means we will most likely be moving around May 20th. He will be going to Basic Officer's Leadership Course, or BOLC, for Field Artillery training.
Right now I'm really excited to be able to go to a new place I've never been before. But at the same time, I know that it will be really tough to go so far away from Middle Tennessee where I've lived for the last 14 years. I am going to miss my family so much. And while I know we have modern communication with cell phones and Skype, it's just not the same as being able to drive 45 minutes to go have coffee, or a shopping date with my sisters. It will be a huge adjustment for sure. The reality is setting in that Josh will graduate in two months and then we will be moving across the country two weeks later! We've got a lot to do between now and then with apartment hunting and packing. There's also the Military Ball in April, then the commissioning and graduation ceremonies the first week of May. I'll be sure to write/post pictures about those events!
Josh's training will last about five months and then we will be moving to Ft. Hood, Texas sometime this fall, most likely in late October or early November. I'm also excited about this move because I was born in Texas and my family still has many friends and family in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, and I'll have the opportunity to see everyone again! Josh also has an aunt, uncle and cousins who live in the Houston area who I haven't met yet and I can't wait to meet them. San Antonio is about two hours away from base and I have been promised by my sweet husband that he will take me there someday! My mom says I have been there before but I was in the womb.....so I don't remember much ; )
It is just so good to finally know what our future is starting to look like and be able to plan accordingly! I'm honored to have an amazing husband to start this journey with and also that I get to stand by his side! I look up to him so much and admire the courage and commitment he has for the country he loves. This journey will be far from easy but I know God will give me the strength I need to get through the good and the bad, and also to be the best wife I can be for my husband.
But I do have good news! Josh and I found out this past Friday when we will be moving to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma and also where we will be stationed after the five month training at Ft. Sill. Josh has to report to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma on May 31st. Which means we will most likely be moving around May 20th. He will be going to Basic Officer's Leadership Course, or BOLC, for Field Artillery training.
Right now I'm really excited to be able to go to a new place I've never been before. But at the same time, I know that it will be really tough to go so far away from Middle Tennessee where I've lived for the last 14 years. I am going to miss my family so much. And while I know we have modern communication with cell phones and Skype, it's just not the same as being able to drive 45 minutes to go have coffee, or a shopping date with my sisters. It will be a huge adjustment for sure. The reality is setting in that Josh will graduate in two months and then we will be moving across the country two weeks later! We've got a lot to do between now and then with apartment hunting and packing. There's also the Military Ball in April, then the commissioning and graduation ceremonies the first week of May. I'll be sure to write/post pictures about those events!
Josh's training will last about five months and then we will be moving to Ft. Hood, Texas sometime this fall, most likely in late October or early November. I'm also excited about this move because I was born in Texas and my family still has many friends and family in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, and I'll have the opportunity to see everyone again! Josh also has an aunt, uncle and cousins who live in the Houston area who I haven't met yet and I can't wait to meet them. San Antonio is about two hours away from base and I have been promised by my sweet husband that he will take me there someday! My mom says I have been there before but I was in the womb.....so I don't remember much ; )
It is just so good to finally know what our future is starting to look like and be able to plan accordingly! I'm honored to have an amazing husband to start this journey with and also that I get to stand by his side! I look up to him so much and admire the courage and commitment he has for the country he loves. This journey will be far from easy but I know God will give me the strength I need to get through the good and the bad, and also to be the best wife I can be for my husband.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
My Worst Critic
Recently someone told me that I wasn't good enough. That I need to lose weight to be acceptable and prettier. "Don't eat so much," they said. Every time I tried to tell this person that I know I'm beautiful and I have a wonderful husband who thinks I'm gorgeous and loves me for who I am, this person pointed out something else in me that was apparently wrong or flawed and pointed out that there are hundreds of "skinnier" and "more attractive" girls that he could have picked over me. Then I start to doubt myself, and compare myself, and think that maybe this person is right. Maybe I don't measure up. This person has been telling me all of this for years. Probably since I was about 13 or 14. "Who would do such a thing," you ask? "Why would anyone say that? You need to stop hanging around that person." Well, I've tried. But as much as I've tried throughout the years to escape the lies and grip this person holds on me, somehow every so often it latches on again. Because this horrible person who lies and insults me.....well, is me.
I can't ever remember a time where I wasn't conscious about my image. My parents never once planted a negative thought it my mind. My siblings, grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousins and friends have always loved me and supported me. But I know 3 people, who will remain nameless, who have said some pretty hurtful and unkind things to me over the years. And I chose to believe the 3 instead of the countless others. As hard as I've tried to brush those comments off or let them roll off my back, they still find their way into my mind and taunt me. Isn't that exactly what Satan wants though?! For us to believe the few instead of the many and then beat ourselves up over it!! Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No can make you feel inferior without your consent," and I guess I've allowed too many people to make me feel less-than. I never thought that I was necessarily fat, like obese, but I just wasn't as skinny as I thought I should be or wanted to be.
I have gotten a little better in the past two years since meeting my sweet husband! And I think that God knew exactly what I needed when he sent Joshua Michael Wooley my way! He is the most caring, thoughtful, sweetest man I know and he tells me everyday that he thinks I'm beautiful! I'm crying as I write this though because it's such a hard topic for me to talk about. Not many people know of the struggles that I've had because I've tried so hard to hide it. But with the love of my Savior and sweet husband, I am slowly overcoming!
I hate bathing suit season!! And that I don't fit in certain types of clothing. It doesn't help that every time you turn the TV on, there is some distorted image and perception of what beauty looks like. And I've always looked at those women, and other women that I know, and compared myself. For the longest time, logic has not been my focus. I haven't cared that those women on TV have teams of people to make them look the way they do, or that a lot of the printed pictures have been edited so much that they don't even look like the actual woman they originally took a photo of! And I've been "depressed" before, but never to the point of having the desire to hurt myself. I must admit the thought of starving myself has entered my mind before, but it's never lasted more than an hour because I get hungry! Haha!! My main problem is just plain old self-pity. I heard Beth Moore talk about this before and she said that self-pity is just another form of pride. Not that I'm exalting myself and think I'm better than everyone else kind of pride. But you're still putting all of your focus on yourself and what you think is wrong with you. You focus so much on yourself that there's no room left for God. I have to remind myself of this. That I'm placing my struggles and image problems above God. Now my main desire is to try harder to make time to spend with the Lord and reading His Word. To be able to believe what He thinks about me over anyone else, I have to know what He says first right?! lol I'm slowly learning to accept what He thinks of me and that my self-esteem and sense of worth can only come from Him!
I have to brag on my husband again! Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how thankful I am to have Josh in my life! To know that he truly does love me for who I am is such a wonderful feeling! I can go several months without feeling down but then there's just one of those days that I'll break down and cry! And he has never once gotten irritated or told me I just need to get over it. He always comforts me and gives me a huge hug! (I love his hugs!!) Reassures me that he thinks I'm beautiful and loves that I'm his wife! And it he may think it's such a small gesture but, boy does it sure mean the world to me! There's nothing that will bring a smile to my face faster than a compliment from him! I'm so glad he puts up with me! I'm not saying that I depend on him to feel worthy, but he sure does help!! And I'm so very grateful to have him in my life, and I fall more in love with him every day!!
These next few videos are my favorites and have helped me in the past to get my focus back on track.
I can't ever remember a time where I wasn't conscious about my image. My parents never once planted a negative thought it my mind. My siblings, grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousins and friends have always loved me and supported me. But I know 3 people, who will remain nameless, who have said some pretty hurtful and unkind things to me over the years. And I chose to believe the 3 instead of the countless others. As hard as I've tried to brush those comments off or let them roll off my back, they still find their way into my mind and taunt me. Isn't that exactly what Satan wants though?! For us to believe the few instead of the many and then beat ourselves up over it!! Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No can make you feel inferior without your consent," and I guess I've allowed too many people to make me feel less-than. I never thought that I was necessarily fat, like obese, but I just wasn't as skinny as I thought I should be or wanted to be.
I have gotten a little better in the past two years since meeting my sweet husband! And I think that God knew exactly what I needed when he sent Joshua Michael Wooley my way! He is the most caring, thoughtful, sweetest man I know and he tells me everyday that he thinks I'm beautiful! I'm crying as I write this though because it's such a hard topic for me to talk about. Not many people know of the struggles that I've had because I've tried so hard to hide it. But with the love of my Savior and sweet husband, I am slowly overcoming!
I hate bathing suit season!! And that I don't fit in certain types of clothing. It doesn't help that every time you turn the TV on, there is some distorted image and perception of what beauty looks like. And I've always looked at those women, and other women that I know, and compared myself. For the longest time, logic has not been my focus. I haven't cared that those women on TV have teams of people to make them look the way they do, or that a lot of the printed pictures have been edited so much that they don't even look like the actual woman they originally took a photo of! And I've been "depressed" before, but never to the point of having the desire to hurt myself. I must admit the thought of starving myself has entered my mind before, but it's never lasted more than an hour because I get hungry! Haha!! My main problem is just plain old self-pity. I heard Beth Moore talk about this before and she said that self-pity is just another form of pride. Not that I'm exalting myself and think I'm better than everyone else kind of pride. But you're still putting all of your focus on yourself and what you think is wrong with you. You focus so much on yourself that there's no room left for God. I have to remind myself of this. That I'm placing my struggles and image problems above God. Now my main desire is to try harder to make time to spend with the Lord and reading His Word. To be able to believe what He thinks about me over anyone else, I have to know what He says first right?! lol I'm slowly learning to accept what He thinks of me and that my self-esteem and sense of worth can only come from Him!
I have to brag on my husband again! Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how thankful I am to have Josh in my life! To know that he truly does love me for who I am is such a wonderful feeling! I can go several months without feeling down but then there's just one of those days that I'll break down and cry! And he has never once gotten irritated or told me I just need to get over it. He always comforts me and gives me a huge hug! (I love his hugs!!) Reassures me that he thinks I'm beautiful and loves that I'm his wife! And it he may think it's such a small gesture but, boy does it sure mean the world to me! There's nothing that will bring a smile to my face faster than a compliment from him! I'm so glad he puts up with me! I'm not saying that I depend on him to feel worthy, but he sure does help!! And I'm so very grateful to have him in my life, and I fall more in love with him every day!!
These next few videos are my favorites and have helped me in the past to get my focus back on track.
So, I can't believe that I just told the whole world about this, but I hope that it just might help someone else who is struggling too.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Missions Minded
I was 14 when I went on my first missions trip with my youth group to upstate New York. We stayed in a highschool for that week, sleeping in school rooms and showering in the locker rooms. But it was so much fun! Our group painted a house for an elderly couple and also held a small VBS in a local park for the kids in the neighborhood. And it was small. Somedays we only had 1 kid show up. But if we made an impact on that one kid it was totally worth it!
When I was 16, our youth group went to Mexico. At the time, my brother Ben was in the Children's hospital at Vanderbilt and had just been diagnosed with CF. I had been staying at home with my 5 other siblings while mom and dad took turns staying the night at the hospital. So while I was glad to have a week to go be with other teenagers, I also felt guilty for leaving my family. Nevertheless, it was a great week of outreach and VBS and I absolutely loved being with those precious children! The last night we were there, the church we had been serving at, had a big BBQ and invited the neighborhood families of the children that had come to VBS. During that night, I somehow ended up outside by myself with 10-15 kids playing "Pato, pato, gonzo!" (Spanish duck duck goose!) That blessed me so much! They even helped me with my Spanish!
The summer I was 18, I had the extreme privilege of going to a different part of Mexico called Cuernavaca for a whole month, and stayed with some friends who were missionaries there. There was also a language school very near their house that I was able to attend for 3 weeks! I loved it because I was able to focus on only learning Spanish and didn't have to worry about taking English or Math...yuck! I so wish there was a school like that here! (I'd love to get Rosetta Stone someday!) While there, I helped Le'Ann, Haley, and Annie Downs teach English to several kids twice a week. Going to their church on Sundays was a little difficult since it was entirely in Spanish, but it was a great adventure. The Downs took me to several tourist spots as well and I got to see an active volcano called, Popocatepetl! We also hiked a couple miles to the top of a mountain to see an ancient Aztec temple. I'll post a separate note about that day, because it's a long story! I was so thankful to the Downs for taking me in to their home and treating me like family! I truly enjoyed the time that I got to spend with them and wish it could have been longer!
I haven't been on any missions trips in a while, but I still love to support others and have found another great outlet, Compassion International! Josh and I recently started sponsoring a precious 4 year old boy in Haiti, named Berdley Bernard! I wish I could find a way to post his picture on here! I'm working on getting a letter ready to send to him and can't wait to start getting letters from him! Such an awesome opportunity that you should seriously check into!
Lastly, I am so very proud of my sister, Mallory! She is going to be traveling to Kenya, Africa this summer for 3 weeks to minister to the people there! I love seeing how much joy she has talking about going and just being excited to go where the Lord is calling her to go. I can't wait to see pictures and hear her stories about all the ways that God moved through her and in her! She is such an incredible young woman of God and I am constantly inspired by her faith and love for the Lord! I am so honored to be her big sister! I encourage you to check out her blog she started to keep everyone informed about her trip! Mallory Taylor - "The Least of These"
When I was 16, our youth group went to Mexico. At the time, my brother Ben was in the Children's hospital at Vanderbilt and had just been diagnosed with CF. I had been staying at home with my 5 other siblings while mom and dad took turns staying the night at the hospital. So while I was glad to have a week to go be with other teenagers, I also felt guilty for leaving my family. Nevertheless, it was a great week of outreach and VBS and I absolutely loved being with those precious children! The last night we were there, the church we had been serving at, had a big BBQ and invited the neighborhood families of the children that had come to VBS. During that night, I somehow ended up outside by myself with 10-15 kids playing "Pato, pato, gonzo!" (Spanish duck duck goose!) That blessed me so much! They even helped me with my Spanish!
The summer I was 18, I had the extreme privilege of going to a different part of Mexico called Cuernavaca for a whole month, and stayed with some friends who were missionaries there. There was also a language school very near their house that I was able to attend for 3 weeks! I loved it because I was able to focus on only learning Spanish and didn't have to worry about taking English or Math...yuck! I so wish there was a school like that here! (I'd love to get Rosetta Stone someday!) While there, I helped Le'Ann, Haley, and Annie Downs teach English to several kids twice a week. Going to their church on Sundays was a little difficult since it was entirely in Spanish, but it was a great adventure. The Downs took me to several tourist spots as well and I got to see an active volcano called, Popocatepetl! We also hiked a couple miles to the top of a mountain to see an ancient Aztec temple. I'll post a separate note about that day, because it's a long story! I was so thankful to the Downs for taking me in to their home and treating me like family! I truly enjoyed the time that I got to spend with them and wish it could have been longer!
I haven't been on any missions trips in a while, but I still love to support others and have found another great outlet, Compassion International! Josh and I recently started sponsoring a precious 4 year old boy in Haiti, named Berdley Bernard! I wish I could find a way to post his picture on here! I'm working on getting a letter ready to send to him and can't wait to start getting letters from him! Such an awesome opportunity that you should seriously check into!
Lastly, I am so very proud of my sister, Mallory! She is going to be traveling to Kenya, Africa this summer for 3 weeks to minister to the people there! I love seeing how much joy she has talking about going and just being excited to go where the Lord is calling her to go. I can't wait to see pictures and hear her stories about all the ways that God moved through her and in her! She is such an incredible young woman of God and I am constantly inspired by her faith and love for the Lord! I am so honored to be her big sister! I encourage you to check out her blog she started to keep everyone informed about her trip! Mallory Taylor - "The Least of These"
Matthew 28:18-20
Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Thursday, February 17, 2011
To have a degree or not to have a degree.....
I feel like sometimes there too many expectations for everyone to go to college for 4 years and get a degree so that they can get have a good career. During the last two years of highschool, I just never had the desire to "further my education" and go to a 4 year school. I was never pressured by my parents or family to go to college, but when I graduated I just felt like there were certain expectations from society that I needed to go to college. So I decided to start out slow and attend a community college that way I could still stay at home for the first year or so and then maybe transfer. Well.....I didn't even make it to mid-terms before I dropped out. I absolutely hated it! And after praying for several weeks I just knew that college wasn't for me, so I quit.
I have always believed that somewhere deep inside me, God placed this innate desire to be the best wife and mommy someday! And after those few weeks of praying for guidance I decided that I didn't need a 4 year degree to be a good wife and stay-at-home mom. I had 12 years of teaching and training on the wife/mom subject from my own, wonderful mother!! No college professor could give me that kind of training!
I had started working in the office of Aaron Academy in September 2007 while also taking a couple classes at Vol State....by mid-October I was only working at the school! (Told you I didn't last very long! 6 weeks tops!) I decided to just continue working and save as much money as I could until God brought someone along! I worked at the school for a little over a year until December 2008. Then in January of 2009 I had the wonderful opportunity and pleasure of becoming a nanny for the Tabor family! They have two girls who were 18 mos and 3 mos at the time. Now they are 3 1/2 and 2!! I worked for them until March of 2010 because I had gotten engaged in September of '09 and was planning on getting married in August of 2010. As much as I was excited to be getting married to the love of my life, my happiness and joy was mixed with the emotion of sadness because I would be leaving two precious little girls I had been with everyday for over a year! I love those girls so much, and still go to see them any chance I get!! I was so thankful to become part of their family!
Right before I left the Tabors, my dad hooked me up with a connection of his: a sweet lady who runs a nanny agency. He contacted her and she said to have me call her. I did, and we set up an interview for the 1st week of April. She was wonderful and set me up with a few, one-time babysitting jobs to get me through the summer and then found a wonderful family in Clarksville for me to work for! After Josh and I got married in August, we moved on campus at Austin Peay State University, in Clarksville,TN, to finish out his senior year of college. And I started working for the Cox family the week after we got back from our honeymoon. Their dad/husband is a Major in the Army and is currently deployed to Afghanistan and will return sometime in April! It has been such a blessing to work with their family and especially get to know Alison to be able to talk about the military life whenever I have questions. I also started babysitting several days a week for a friend of hers in the same neighborhood and have thoroughly enjoyed keeping their kids! Between the two families, the kids range from a year and a half - 10 years old. Good thing I have plenty of experience with all ages! (Being the oldest of 7, with the youngest being 5 years old has it's perks!)
I enjoy being able to work and do what I love and still have time to come home do "wifely duties," like cleaning, cooking and doing laundry. I know it's probably crazy but I actually enjoy doing laundry and going grocery shopping! I love being at home with Josh and having my own home to take care of, no matter how small it is right now! It's perfect for the two of us!
I'm glad that I had the peace and discernment to realize that college is not meant for everyone. I'm so thankful to my mom for being such a wonderful, Godly example of what a wife and mom should be! She was and is such a great teacher and I'm grateful for all of the training I got while I lived at home! She is one of my best friends and I love her so much!! Thank you mom!
I have always believed that somewhere deep inside me, God placed this innate desire to be the best wife and mommy someday! And after those few weeks of praying for guidance I decided that I didn't need a 4 year degree to be a good wife and stay-at-home mom. I had 12 years of teaching and training on the wife/mom subject from my own, wonderful mother!! No college professor could give me that kind of training!
I had started working in the office of Aaron Academy in September 2007 while also taking a couple classes at Vol State....by mid-October I was only working at the school! (Told you I didn't last very long! 6 weeks tops!) I decided to just continue working and save as much money as I could until God brought someone along! I worked at the school for a little over a year until December 2008. Then in January of 2009 I had the wonderful opportunity and pleasure of becoming a nanny for the Tabor family! They have two girls who were 18 mos and 3 mos at the time. Now they are 3 1/2 and 2!! I worked for them until March of 2010 because I had gotten engaged in September of '09 and was planning on getting married in August of 2010. As much as I was excited to be getting married to the love of my life, my happiness and joy was mixed with the emotion of sadness because I would be leaving two precious little girls I had been with everyday for over a year! I love those girls so much, and still go to see them any chance I get!! I was so thankful to become part of their family!
Right before I left the Tabors, my dad hooked me up with a connection of his: a sweet lady who runs a nanny agency. He contacted her and she said to have me call her. I did, and we set up an interview for the 1st week of April. She was wonderful and set me up with a few, one-time babysitting jobs to get me through the summer and then found a wonderful family in Clarksville for me to work for! After Josh and I got married in August, we moved on campus at Austin Peay State University, in Clarksville,TN, to finish out his senior year of college. And I started working for the Cox family the week after we got back from our honeymoon. Their dad/husband is a Major in the Army and is currently deployed to Afghanistan and will return sometime in April! It has been such a blessing to work with their family and especially get to know Alison to be able to talk about the military life whenever I have questions. I also started babysitting several days a week for a friend of hers in the same neighborhood and have thoroughly enjoyed keeping their kids! Between the two families, the kids range from a year and a half - 10 years old. Good thing I have plenty of experience with all ages! (Being the oldest of 7, with the youngest being 5 years old has it's perks!)
I enjoy being able to work and do what I love and still have time to come home do "wifely duties," like cleaning, cooking and doing laundry. I know it's probably crazy but I actually enjoy doing laundry and going grocery shopping! I love being at home with Josh and having my own home to take care of, no matter how small it is right now! It's perfect for the two of us!
I'm glad that I had the peace and discernment to realize that college is not meant for everyone. I'm so thankful to my mom for being such a wonderful, Godly example of what a wife and mom should be! She was and is such a great teacher and I'm grateful for all of the training I got while I lived at home! She is one of my best friends and I love her so much!! Thank you mom!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Shocking Discovery
Tonight I was in the mood to make chocolate chip cookies, even though I've been watching what I eat and exercising all the time, I wanted to be bad and have a cookie. So I made a batch. Now before Christmas I made some cookies and I it was all I could do to not eat 6 at a time! The problem is....I've cut out 90% of sweets for 2 months and the only thing I've had for a sweet snack are almonds and dark chocolate. I baked the delicious cookies and waited til they cooled off, because I'm the only one in the universe that can't stand warm, gooey cookies, and finally went and got a cookie to eat. And to my dismay....it didn't even taste good. I hesitantly ate the whole thing and now I feel yucky! I would have NEVER thought that I wouldn't like a chocolate chip cookie!!
Now I have to figure out what to do with the 23 cookies I'm not going to eat....
Now I have to figure out what to do with the 23 cookies I'm not going to eat....
Monday, February 7, 2011
Caution: These contents do not contain political correctness.
I posted on facebook several days ago that I wanted to write about something I know will be controversial and may offend several people. I say it may offend people because it has to do with the topic of... Racism. Therefore if you don't have thick skin, don't read the rest of this, because it may not be "politically correct."
This topic just struck me the other day and for some odd reason set me off to where I wanted to write out my opinion and get it off my chest. So here goes nothin'...
1. I get tired of people all across the board talking about racism, or being racist. I don't like kids making racist jokes because they think it's "funny." I don't like elderly white people (unfortunately I know several) making judgments based on the color of someone's skin or differentiating them from others by saying, "My black friend," or "That colored fella." (It's just as easy to say, "My friend Bob Soandso," or "That guy in the blue shirt." ) And I don't like it when I hear an African American person get offended by something and immediately say "it's because I'm black." Please don't pull the "race card" out. Racism would quickly die if everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, would just simply not bring it up and toughen up. Instead of confining ourselves to white people and black people, why can't we all just be... people? There are no individual races...only the human race. The Bible says that God created Mankind in His own image. The great President Abraham Lincoln fought for what was right in that ALL men are created EQUAL. Everyone should be given an equal opportunity at everything. White people need to stop racially profiling black people based solely on the color of their skin, and if a black person is turned down for something, or not given what they think they deserve, they should not automatically assume it is because of their skin color.
2. I respect President Obama. I may not agree with everything he does or stands for, but I respect the position that he holds and as a Christian, I know that it my duty to pray for him and his family. But if you voted for him, let me tell you...he is not the savior of the world. He is still human and will not be able to fix everything or give you exactly what you want. I didn't support President Bush only because he is white, it was because of his values and what he stood for. So for someone to support President Obama because they have the same skin color is wrong. You should not vote for someone based on their skin color. All aspects should be taken into consideration to make the best decision. I would have had no problem voting for Obama if I had agreed with what he stands for.
My husband told me one day, after he got out of his military history class, something that the professor brought to everyone's attention; a story that she was trying to make an example of. There was a female, African American soldier who was offended that there was not a picture of President Obama in order with the others in the chain of command at her National Guard unit. Josh told me that every military post has a wall with a picture of each person in the chain of command. This soldier was upset and trying to pursue a lawsuit against whoever was responsible for not having a spot for the President of the United States. She felt like no one in her unit wanted to help her because the President is Barack Obama, an African American, and that she felt as if it was because her unit was in the South and full of white racists. What she didn't realize is that there was never a spot for a picture frame of the president, because the chain of command only went up so far. There was never a picture of President Bush when he was in office, either. This makes me think that she was only fighting for Obama because of the color of his skin and not for the respect of the position that he holds. Otherwise someone would have been fighting for a spot for Bush as well. She had been in the Army long enough that she could have said something sooner during Bush's presidency. Hmm... I wonder why she didn't?
3. As far as having rights, there should only be human rights. No special rights for having a certain skin color. No one should ever think that they deserve more or that they are better than the next person. Especially Christians.
Matthew 5:46-47
If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?
And James tells us (Jam. 2) that it is a sin to show favoritism for those that are like us and that discrimination causes us to become judges with "evil thoughts."
So the moral of this ranting soapbox is to grow up and stop acting immature. Treat everyone the way you would want to be treated. Don't get defensive or easily offended. Just let it go and don't bring it up anymore!!
This topic just struck me the other day and for some odd reason set me off to where I wanted to write out my opinion and get it off my chest. So here goes nothin'...
1. I get tired of people all across the board talking about racism, or being racist. I don't like kids making racist jokes because they think it's "funny." I don't like elderly white people (unfortunately I know several) making judgments based on the color of someone's skin or differentiating them from others by saying, "My black friend," or "That colored fella." (It's just as easy to say, "My friend Bob Soandso," or "That guy in the blue shirt." ) And I don't like it when I hear an African American person get offended by something and immediately say "it's because I'm black." Please don't pull the "race card" out. Racism would quickly die if everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, would just simply not bring it up and toughen up. Instead of confining ourselves to white people and black people, why can't we all just be... people? There are no individual races...only the human race. The Bible says that God created Mankind in His own image. The great President Abraham Lincoln fought for what was right in that ALL men are created EQUAL. Everyone should be given an equal opportunity at everything. White people need to stop racially profiling black people based solely on the color of their skin, and if a black person is turned down for something, or not given what they think they deserve, they should not automatically assume it is because of their skin color.
2. I respect President Obama. I may not agree with everything he does or stands for, but I respect the position that he holds and as a Christian, I know that it my duty to pray for him and his family. But if you voted for him, let me tell you...he is not the savior of the world. He is still human and will not be able to fix everything or give you exactly what you want. I didn't support President Bush only because he is white, it was because of his values and what he stood for. So for someone to support President Obama because they have the same skin color is wrong. You should not vote for someone based on their skin color. All aspects should be taken into consideration to make the best decision. I would have had no problem voting for Obama if I had agreed with what he stands for.
My husband told me one day, after he got out of his military history class, something that the professor brought to everyone's attention; a story that she was trying to make an example of. There was a female, African American soldier who was offended that there was not a picture of President Obama in order with the others in the chain of command at her National Guard unit. Josh told me that every military post has a wall with a picture of each person in the chain of command. This soldier was upset and trying to pursue a lawsuit against whoever was responsible for not having a spot for the President of the United States. She felt like no one in her unit wanted to help her because the President is Barack Obama, an African American, and that she felt as if it was because her unit was in the South and full of white racists. What she didn't realize is that there was never a spot for a picture frame of the president, because the chain of command only went up so far. There was never a picture of President Bush when he was in office, either. This makes me think that she was only fighting for Obama because of the color of his skin and not for the respect of the position that he holds. Otherwise someone would have been fighting for a spot for Bush as well. She had been in the Army long enough that she could have said something sooner during Bush's presidency. Hmm... I wonder why she didn't?
3. As far as having rights, there should only be human rights. No special rights for having a certain skin color. No one should ever think that they deserve more or that they are better than the next person. Especially Christians.
Matthew 5:46-47
If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?
And James tells us (Jam. 2) that it is a sin to show favoritism for those that are like us and that discrimination causes us to become judges with "evil thoughts."
So the moral of this ranting soapbox is to grow up and stop acting immature. Treat everyone the way you would want to be treated. Don't get defensive or easily offended. Just let it go and don't bring it up anymore!!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Procrastinate No More
Two things I've put off doing...
1. Cleaning my bathroom.....which I will do tonight.
2. A writing project from high school about my Grandfather, Gary Moore.
The first has been put off for about 2 weeks now....the latter?!...about 4 years! That's way too long! I still have the original draft on my computer and found my outline of questions in a box buried in our storage unit. My senior year of high school I started a writing project to write about the life of m grandfather. I met him once a week with a recorder and my outline of questions and I would "interview" him about different aspects of his life. In 2007 I stopped with 31 pages, and was only at the year 1989!! Graduation and summer came, then jobs and I put off finishing the paper. (more like a short novel! lol) So about 2 weeks ago I found the draft on my laptop and thought, Man I really should finish this before we move halfway across the country! I emailed Grandaddy and we set up a time to meet last week! I had a wonderful coffee date with him and intently listened as he told me stories about his life. Such a special time. I'm no where to being finished yet, but I think with a few more "dates" I should be able to finish writing this, and I'm so very excited! He is such a wonderful man of God and an excellent mentor/role model for me, and I have no doubt all the other grandchildren would agree as well!!
Oh yeah...I gotta clean out my car too. : (
1. Cleaning my bathroom.....which I will do tonight.
2. A writing project from high school about my Grandfather, Gary Moore.
The first has been put off for about 2 weeks now....the latter?!...about 4 years! That's way too long! I still have the original draft on my computer and found my outline of questions in a box buried in our storage unit. My senior year of high school I started a writing project to write about the life of m grandfather. I met him once a week with a recorder and my outline of questions and I would "interview" him about different aspects of his life. In 2007 I stopped with 31 pages, and was only at the year 1989!! Graduation and summer came, then jobs and I put off finishing the paper. (more like a short novel! lol) So about 2 weeks ago I found the draft on my laptop and thought, Man I really should finish this before we move halfway across the country! I emailed Grandaddy and we set up a time to meet last week! I had a wonderful coffee date with him and intently listened as he told me stories about his life. Such a special time. I'm no where to being finished yet, but I think with a few more "dates" I should be able to finish writing this, and I'm so very excited! He is such a wonderful man of God and an excellent mentor/role model for me, and I have no doubt all the other grandchildren would agree as well!!
Oh yeah...I gotta clean out my car too. : (
Thursday, February 3, 2011
My Bucket List
I created this about a year ago, but I wanted to update it and check off things that I've accomplished! Plus I've added a few things since then!
take a trip to Europe
-make a huge homemade gingerbread house
-kiss in the rain
-be able to speak Spanish fluently
-take gourmet cooking class (be the next Julia Child ;) lol)
-go skydiving
-learn to ski
-run a 5k
-run a 1/2 marathon
-own a gun
-become a sharp shooter
-take ballroom dance lessons and excel
-take a helicopter ride over Hawaii
-visit the White House
-jump off of a waterfall
-go for real rock climbing
-visit the Grand Canyon
-visit Australia
-visit Mt. Rushmore
-study astronomy
-learn about cars and how they operate (other than press the gas pedal and go ;) )
-know as much about football as Josh!
-take up scrapbooking as a hobby
-participate in prison ministry
-sponsor a child through Compassion International and then meet them one day
-act in a play
-play the piano better - learn more classical pieces
-get married
-have 4 children
-learn to play chess
-Maybe adopt a child
-ride in a hot air balloon
-start a blog
-take a road trip across America from coast to coast
-learn to sew
-visit historical places in New England
-tour the Holy Land
-read the Bible all the way through
-ride on a real train
-participate in jury duty (weird, I know ;) )
-visit Prince Edward Island, Canada
-sleep under the stars
-grow a flower garden
-scuba dive at the Great Barrier Reef
-go to the Olympics
-play in the mud lol
-go parasailing
-swim with dolphins
-Be kissed under mistletoe
-give up coke for a year
-read and record 1,000 books
-mentor teenage girls
-ride on a jet ski
-exercise at least 3 times a week
-go to the Kentucky Derby
-stay on a budget
-ride a horse on a beach
-learn to play guitar
-get a real fir tree for Christmas
-stay at a Bed and Breakfast Inn
-do a backflip without using a trampoline
take a trip to Europe
-make a huge homemade gingerbread house
-kiss in the rain
-be able to speak Spanish fluently
-take gourmet cooking class (be the next Julia Child ;) lol)
-go skydiving
-learn to ski
-run a 5k
-run a 1/2 marathon
-own a gun
-become a sharp shooter
-take ballroom dance lessons and excel
-take a helicopter ride over Hawaii
-visit the White House
-jump off of a waterfall
-go for real rock climbing
-visit the Grand Canyon
-visit Australia
-visit Mt. Rushmore
-study astronomy
-learn about cars and how they operate (other than press the gas pedal and go ;) )
-know as much about football as Josh!
-take up scrapbooking as a hobby
-participate in prison ministry
-sponsor a child through Compassion International and then meet them one day
-act in a play
-play the piano better - learn more classical pieces
-get married
-have 4 children
-learn to play chess
-Maybe adopt a child
-ride in a hot air balloon
-start a blog
-take a road trip across America from coast to coast
-learn to sew
-visit historical places in New England
-tour the Holy Land
-read the Bible all the way through
-ride on a real train
-participate in jury duty (weird, I know ;) )
-visit Prince Edward Island, Canada
-sleep under the stars
-grow a flower garden
-scuba dive at the Great Barrier Reef
-go to the Olympics
-play in the mud lol
-go parasailing
-swim with dolphins
-Be kissed under mistletoe
-give up coke for a year
-read and record 1,000 books
-mentor teenage girls
-ride on a jet ski
-exercise at least 3 times a week
-go to the Kentucky Derby
-stay on a budget
-ride a horse on a beach
-learn to play guitar
-get a real fir tree for Christmas
-stay at a Bed and Breakfast Inn
-do a backflip without using a trampoline
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The Most Awesome Grandparents in the World!
I love my grandparents, Gary and Sally Moore aka "Grandmommy and Grandaddy!" When I was born my parents named me Amanda Sue; my middle name being a namesake to my grandmother's middle name. Grandmommy kept me during the day the first year or so of my life while my mom worked at the bank. She and I have always been "joined at the hip" since then! When I was 2, (until I was about 6) I started spending two weeks every summer with Grandmommy and Grandaddy after they moved to Goodlettsville, TN. I have so many memories of staying with them and I can’t believe that I remember so much for being so young! Grandaddy had a little red car and I remember riding with him to Home Depot one day when he told me that his little car wanted to be a pick-up truck when it grew up! Haha! Grandmommy let me have pink bubble gum after breakfast so of course I thought she was the best ever! And anytime that I got a boo-boo, there were Minnie Mouse Band-Aids to “make it all better!” My favorite thing in the bathroom was Grandmommy's mirror, that had a magnifying side. I would look into it and constantly flip between the two sides saying, "Big Amanda!" "Little Amanda!" I also became fast friends with their neighbors, Johnny and Cathy Carneal (and their cat, Rusty!). I would go over to their house and sit on the backyard swing with Cathy and sing songs! I also loved to help Grandaddy fill the bird feeders and at the same time pour cups full of bird seed all along their retainer wall! (He “joyfully” pulled the weeds from the sprouting bird seed because I was so darn cute ;)) Grandmommy also said she also used to wait a week or two to Windex the hand prints on the glass front door!! One summer Grandmommy and Grandaddy put up the first swing set and that’s where I learned to swing all by myself with Grandmommy teaching me to swing my legs, back and forth. There was a little creek behind their house that we used to go walk along. Grandaddy got a small sailboat and tied a string to it so I could watch it float in the water. On the other side of the creek were the football fields at Moss Wright Park. Every 4th of July, we would have a huge cook out at Grandmommy’s house and sit in her backyard and watch the fireworks taking off from those football fields when it got dark! I wasn’t a huge fan of them when I was younger and would watch them out her bedroom window. But as I got older, that was my favorite part!! At the same park, there was a yellow metal bridge that went over the little creek that I affectionately named "Grandmommy's bridge!" And on the journey from Texas to Grandma's house, the blue water tower of Rivergate was always my sign that my wonderful grandparents were only 5 minutes away!! I absolutely loved those summers! And since then, it's only gotten better! My family lived in their basement for 2 years when we moved to Tennessee until we were able to find a house. Instead of a house we found 23 acres and decided to split the land between 5 families and build homes. My grandparents have lived 2 doors down from my family for 9 years (I'm pretty sure it's 9!) They have taken my cousins, siblings and me on multiple trips to the annual Aldersgate conferences and also to Gatlinburg! They have laughed with us, cried with us, supported us, and most importantly encouraged us spiritually and challenged us to grow closer to the Lord! I even had the extreme privilege of having my Grandaddy marry Josh and I on August 7th, 2010! It was definitely one of the most memorable days of my life to date!!
I can't say enough about my grandparents. They are two of the most special people in my life and I absolutely love them with all my heart!!
I love you Grandmommy and Grandaddy!!!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
January 23rd, 2011 - Today I'm thankful...
1. For photosynthesis! Was reminded in church this morning how important that little process is to human life and how we take it for granted!
2, For Long Hollow Baptist Church - we're sure going to miss it when we move!
3. that we got to see Pawpaw, Josh's grandfather, today! It was a nice unexpected (we didn't know til a couple days ago) visit.
4. That I have legs that work, so I can go work out at 5am.......still trying to think happy thoughts! lol
5. That God is faithful, even when I'm not. Amen!!
2, For Long Hollow Baptist Church - we're sure going to miss it when we move!
3. that we got to see Pawpaw, Josh's grandfather, today! It was a nice unexpected (we didn't know til a couple days ago) visit.
***Disclaimer***
I had to think of something positive for this complaint of mine.
4. That I have legs that work, so I can go work out at 5am.......still trying to think happy thoughts! lol
5. That God is faithful, even when I'm not. Amen!!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Today I'm thankful....
1. For almonds and dark chocolate chips.....I'm seriously addicted to these now!!
2. For God's financial provision! He always comes through for us!
3. For the games Yahtzee and Farkle....because I love playing them with Clara, Emily, and Mark! They're such cute kids!!
4. For Rayna Wooley, Carmen Willey, and Brittany Cameron - my "Army wife" girlfriends! I have a feeling we're going to be friends for a very long time!!
5. For Cranberry Pomegranate Green Tea...love it! <3
2. For God's financial provision! He always comes through for us!
3. For the games Yahtzee and Farkle....because I love playing them with Clara, Emily, and Mark! They're such cute kids!!
4. For Rayna Wooley, Carmen Willey, and Brittany Cameron - my "Army wife" girlfriends! I have a feeling we're going to be friends for a very long time!!
5. For Cranberry Pomegranate Green Tea...love it! <3
Friday, January 21, 2011
Getting ready
It's nearing the end of January and I'm realizing that we only have, probably 4-5 months left in Tennessee! I have lots of emotions...I'm scared, nervous, sad, happy, ready for adventure all at the same time. Josh will commission May 5th, and graduate May 6th. Right now we know nothing after that, so some days it just really bugs me to not be able to plan for the future. The next step after graduation is BOLC, or Basic Officer's Leadership Course (for friends and family who don't know military terms!) and we won't know what date he gets for that course until April! Which makes it very hard to plan! The earliest date possible is sometime the first week of June, which would mean we will leave around May 20th. (which I'm now realizing is less than 4 months now! Aaaahh) We do know that we will be headed to Ft. Sill in Lawton, OK, just not sure of the exact moving date yet. Training at Ft. Sill will last about 5 months and then we are hoping to be headed to Ft. Hood, TX after that for our permanent station. We also won't know what our permanent station will be until March or April. Josh has put in an ADSO (Active Duty Service Option) for that station which hopefully gives us a better chance to get it. Basically an ADSO just means that you give the Army a certain amount of years on top of your existing contract (4 years upon graduation) to try and secure a spot at the duty station of your choosing. So if the Army decides to use Josh's ADSO we'll be up to 7 years committed to the Army! Which is really nothing, considering he's planning on staying in for 20+ years and then retiring!
So now my "packing mind" is starting to kick in and I'm looking around our 483 sq. ft. apartment trying to mentally/physically group things together to make packing easier! When I was single, I usually re-organized and went through everything probably every 3-4 months. We've been married almost 6 months, so I guess I'm due for a little re-organizing! With the snow day and my day off from work, that's what I plan to do; spring cleaning and re-organizing! The thought of packing/unpacking and moving hundreds of miles TWICE in less than 7 months is a little daunting, but I think I'm up for the challenge. Since we've been married, I just feel a new sense of strength and independence (getting used to trying to do and take care of things on my own without running to Josh for help) which I guess is just God's way of preparing me for the day when Josh is gone for a year at a time and I have to do things by myself!
Even though May 20th seems very close, we are really hoping that we get the earliest date possible for BOLC. Because after graduation, Josh won't start getting paid until we get to Ft. Sill. So if we don't get a BOLC date until July or August...that's 3 months with no pay check....which reeeeeeeeally scares me when I think about it! That will really be a test of my faith if it comes down to that. Because even now I'm telling God, "Lord I trust you, but I sure do hope you provide for us!" There's a little bit of that Israelite-itis I was talking about the other day! Haha! For now we're just trying to stay on budget and save money in the case that we end up with no paycheck for several months.
Well I guess I better get off the couch and go clean now!
So now my "packing mind" is starting to kick in and I'm looking around our 483 sq. ft. apartment trying to mentally/physically group things together to make packing easier! When I was single, I usually re-organized and went through everything probably every 3-4 months. We've been married almost 6 months, so I guess I'm due for a little re-organizing! With the snow day and my day off from work, that's what I plan to do; spring cleaning and re-organizing! The thought of packing/unpacking and moving hundreds of miles TWICE in less than 7 months is a little daunting, but I think I'm up for the challenge. Since we've been married, I just feel a new sense of strength and independence (getting used to trying to do and take care of things on my own without running to Josh for help) which I guess is just God's way of preparing me for the day when Josh is gone for a year at a time and I have to do things by myself!
Even though May 20th seems very close, we are really hoping that we get the earliest date possible for BOLC. Because after graduation, Josh won't start getting paid until we get to Ft. Sill. So if we don't get a BOLC date until July or August...that's 3 months with no pay check....which reeeeeeeeally scares me when I think about it! That will really be a test of my faith if it comes down to that. Because even now I'm telling God, "Lord I trust you, but I sure do hope you provide for us!" There's a little bit of that Israelite-itis I was talking about the other day! Haha! For now we're just trying to stay on budget and save money in the case that we end up with no paycheck for several months.
Well I guess I better get off the couch and go clean now!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
It's on my mind right now....
If it's on my mind right now, I like to write it down so I don't forget it later! A few things that I'm thankful for....
1. For paper goods.....instead of complaining about not having a dishwasher, I'll just go to Sam's and buy a stack of 200 plates and cups! lol So very convenient and worth the few extra dollars!
2. For the moments when Josh and I get to have our daily devotions together! Not only does it draw us closer to the Lord, but helps us draw closer in our relationship as well!
3. For Josh helping me stay motivated to work out! I'm hoping to reach my goal weight and be able to buy a new dress for the military ball in April!
4. For American idol auditions to laugh at!
5. For a job that I absolutely love! I love being a nanny!
1. For paper goods.....instead of complaining about not having a dishwasher, I'll just go to Sam's and buy a stack of 200 plates and cups! lol So very convenient and worth the few extra dollars!
2. For the moments when Josh and I get to have our daily devotions together! Not only does it draw us closer to the Lord, but helps us draw closer in our relationship as well!
3. For Josh helping me stay motivated to work out! I'm hoping to reach my goal weight and be able to buy a new dress for the military ball in April!
4. For American idol auditions to laugh at!
5. For a job that I absolutely love! I love being a nanny!
Happiness vs. Joy
Romans 5:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
During this stage of our marriage. Josh and I are learning to trust God for things that we don't understand or for things that we can't plan for. (of course this is most likely not a stage but something I need to get over and get used to!) Some things have not gone the way that we had hoped they would and we have struggled with being happy in our present circumstances. But over the past few weeks, God has been reminding me that we can't be happy all the time. Happiness is a feeling based on circumstances. If things are going your way then it's easy to be happy! But if Johnny Raincloud comes and rains on your parade, well then things just aren't so great anymore. Joy on the other hand...joy is something that comes with trusting in the Lord. A grounded faith produces joy and peace because we know that no matter what happens in our circumstances, God is in control and will always take care of us. Our joy can never be destroyed. Happiness is a fleeting feeling, while joy on the other hand is a daily choice we have to make! When things don't go our way we can't just sit around and pout about it until our "warm fuzzies" come back! And when we trust God in the good and bad, not only are we filled with joy, but we also have hope! He gives us strength for what we're going through today, but we also have hope for tomorrow and the days ahead!
Most people don't understand this concept, and some just never have a positive thing to say. (We all know someone like this!) The "Debbie or Donnie Downer" who is always in the dumps, and has an attitude of "woe is me!" Nothing is ever good, there is no silver lining; and they usually have a way of changing the mood of everyone around them. Philippians 2:12 says, "Do everything, (that means, EVERYTHING) without grumbling or complaining, so that you may become blameless and pure 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky."
Wow! If we strive to live like Christ, and decide to not complain about everything then we will shine among others like "stars in the sky!" I hope that I can maintain an attitude of joy, so that others will ask why, even though I'm having an awful day, I can still smile or be joyful. And I would know just Who to point them to as my source of joy and hope!! I guess when we do everything as if working for the Lord (Col. 3:23) we're gonna stand out. Because we're not going to be normal!
I guess you could say that gratitude, or thankfulness, could play a role in this new attitude of joy as well. Because when we truly stop and think about all the things that the Lord has done for us, where He brought us or what He has saved us from, we can't help but be happy about that! Sometimes we get Israelite-itis. The Lord did so many wonderful things and miracles for them, yet they were too soon to forget them. They were on to the next thing they could complain about. I don't want to be like the, always forgetting what the Lord has done for me. I want to always remember and have overflowing thankfulness for all that He has done! Countless times in the Psalms, David implores us to "give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love!" Just remembering what He has saved us from should be enough to be thankful and fill us with joy!
This next passage stops me in my tracks!
Colossians 1:9-14
We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
All I can say is wow. I don't know how many times I have read through the New Testament, and yet every time I always glean something new from His Word! I pray that I may bear fruit in EVERY good work, growing and being strengthened so that I can have great endurance and patience, because only the Lord knows how much we're going to need that in the coming years!
And finally, Psalm 126:3 reminds us, "The Lord has done GREAT things for us and we are filled with JOY!!!
Monday, January 17, 2011
"Well what do you know?!"
I'll explain the title in a minute and also the title of my blog. The reason for starting this is because I love writing, especially journaling. I've kept a journal since I was about 10 years old, and the collection of journals I've acquire since are sitting in storage at the moment. But what fun it is to pore back over what my 10 yr. old self thought was funny and moments that I have cherished in the past 11 years, and how quickly I forget them sometimes too. For instance, my now 11yr. old sister Clara was my best buddy! I wrote lots of stuff when she was little, of funny things she used to do! One particular entry, I wrote that Clara had started referring to herself as "Morgan" and wanted everyone to call her that! It may have been a phase that only lasted several days, but I'm glad that I wrote it down, because I really don't remember that!! In another entry I wrote of my enthusiasm for helping Daddy Frank (my great-grandfather) pick beans in his garden, and how I made $60 one summer! Not bad for an 11 yr. old kid! That's why I love keeping a journal; especially as a reminder of where I've been and how I've grown through trials and joyful times.
Keeping a blog/online journal will help me as I anticipate the coming years as a wife and mother, but I know that it will not be easy being a military wife. There will be years when I have to be a "single mom." But I won't trade it for anything, because I am so in love with the man I married! It will all be worth it! Which brings me to the title of this post. Whether or not I expressed this to anyone, I always told myself, "I will never marry someone in the military. I'm not strong enough, or brave enough, to handle the pain and fear of having a loved one leave for lengths of time and not knowing if they're ok." And then there was Josh. It was instant attraction. He's a good looking guy (My 90 yr old great-grandmother, Mama Moore, said she thought he was a real hunk!!) with a great personality but I was also hesitant because I knew he was in the Army. My parents were cautious because they wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting myself into if our relationship was going to go any further. It didn't take very long for my feelings to change. I wasn't instantly ok with the fact, shoving it aside just because I met a cute guy and don't want to give it up. I honestly, truly, felt a sense of peace from the Lord and asked myself, "Why would I say, "No," to a man that the Lord has obviously intended for me, just because I might be scared?" I certainly didn't want to regret that kind of decision. So after years of telling myself, I would never marry into the military, God said, "Well what do you know?! Look who I have for you, Amanda!" And I have been at peace with my decision since then. I look at the story of Gideon in Judges chapter 6. His family was the least among all the tribes of Israel and he was a fearful man. Yet God chose him to save Israel and told him, "Go in the strength you have...Am I not sending you? I will be with you!" Sometimes I feel fearful like Gideon. But I feel like God is telling me to go in the strength I already have and He will equip me with what I need, when I need it. Because He is with me! That is such a comforting thought! The Creator of the Universe is always with me. He will never leave me or forsake me.
Recipe for an Army Wife
1 ¼ Cup Patience
1 Tsp Courage
1 lb Adaptability
1 ¼ Cup Tolerance
Dash of Adventure
Splash of Humor
Mix the ingredients with 2 tsp of elbow grease, leave alone for 12 months. Marinate with tears. Sprinkle every so often with money. Season with international spices. Bake for 20 years or until done. Serve with PRIDE!!!
Keeping a blog/online journal will help me as I anticipate the coming years as a wife and mother, but I know that it will not be easy being a military wife. There will be years when I have to be a "single mom." But I won't trade it for anything, because I am so in love with the man I married! It will all be worth it! Which brings me to the title of this post. Whether or not I expressed this to anyone, I always told myself, "I will never marry someone in the military. I'm not strong enough, or brave enough, to handle the pain and fear of having a loved one leave for lengths of time and not knowing if they're ok." And then there was Josh. It was instant attraction. He's a good looking guy (My 90 yr old great-grandmother, Mama Moore, said she thought he was a real hunk!!) with a great personality but I was also hesitant because I knew he was in the Army. My parents were cautious because they wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting myself into if our relationship was going to go any further. It didn't take very long for my feelings to change. I wasn't instantly ok with the fact, shoving it aside just because I met a cute guy and don't want to give it up. I honestly, truly, felt a sense of peace from the Lord and asked myself, "Why would I say, "No," to a man that the Lord has obviously intended for me, just because I might be scared?" I certainly didn't want to regret that kind of decision. So after years of telling myself, I would never marry into the military, God said, "Well what do you know?! Look who I have for you, Amanda!" And I have been at peace with my decision since then. I look at the story of Gideon in Judges chapter 6. His family was the least among all the tribes of Israel and he was a fearful man. Yet God chose him to save Israel and told him, "Go in the strength you have...Am I not sending you? I will be with you!" Sometimes I feel fearful like Gideon. But I feel like God is telling me to go in the strength I already have and He will equip me with what I need, when I need it. Because He is with me! That is such a comforting thought! The Creator of the Universe is always with me. He will never leave me or forsake me.
Isaiah 41:10 says,
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
So with that, I feel a sense of peace going forward in this journey knowing that as long as I trust in God for everything I need, He will give me strength for today, and a bright hope for tomorrow.
Josh's cousin Autumn, who is also an Army wife, sent this to me and I just love it!
Recipe for an Army Wife
1 ¼ Cup Patience
1 Tsp Courage
1 lb Adaptability
1 ¼ Cup Tolerance
Dash of Adventure
Splash of Humor
Mix the ingredients with 2 tsp of elbow grease, leave alone for 12 months. Marinate with tears. Sprinkle every so often with money. Season with international spices. Bake for 20 years or until done. Serve with PRIDE!!!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
New Year's Resolutions
Since it's the beginning of the new year, I figured it would only be appropriate to write about such things as resolutions. We all make them; whether we all keep them is a different story. I've always made the typical Christian resolution that I'm going to read the Bible in a year. I get to the end of Genesis and by the time February comes around, my motivation is lacking. This year, I wanted to do something a little different. Instead of making this big promise to myself that I know might be broken in a few weeks time, I decided to do some smaller things that I can work on every day.
1. Be more thankful.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 says to "give thanks in ALL circumstances." I get so busy sometimes that I just forget to be thankful for the small things. I have a friend who has started writing down several things every day that she is thankful for. Not just the generic, "I'm thankful that I have a house," or "I'm thankful I have food," which are very legitimate things to be thankful for!! But even more specific, she is thankful for things like, "winter - it makes me grateful for summertime!" Or, "for warm socks!" That's great! So if I had to think of 3 things, right now, that I'm thankful for it would be: 1. I'm thankful for music. It lifts my soul when I'm down, helps me feel closer to God through worship, and helps me clean the dishes faster when I have something to dance to! 2. I'm thankful that I have a Godly husband who loves me so much!! He truly is a blessing! 3. I'm thankful for 3M command hooks. Sure helps in decorating a dorm room apartment when you can't nail anything into the wall! ...And now I'm beginning to think of more things I'm thankful for, but I only said 3 for now, and will save the others for later!
2. Make an effort to look pretty for my husband.
I must admit that there are days when I just don't care. It's cold, I don't have to work, and I'd really love to just stay in my sweatpants not caring what I look like. And that is why I'm thankful for my loving husband who has to look at me like that! Honestly, I've had this notion in my head for a very long time now, even before I was married. Something that I just heard my mother and grandmother talk about. Even though they may have had a long day, they would take a few minutes before dad gets home to make sure their hair wasn't a mess, and to do a quick touch up on their makeup! I can remember beginning to cook dinner with my sisters and my mom would say, "I'm going to go freshen up real quick before Dad gets home." I'm sure any guy would appreciate coming home to his wife and know that she took a few minutes just make sure she looks nice, just for him. (Don't get me wrong, I know that there are "grace days" when kids come along, and the baby pukes on you, the house is a wreck, and you've just "had it up to here!") But that's my resolution: to just take the few extra minutes to look nice for my husband and show him that I care!
I've never blogged before, and haven't ever considered myself a writer, but I just thought it might be a fun thing to do, and I already have so many ideas on things to write about!! So we shall see just how long this will last!
1. Be more thankful.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 says to "give thanks in ALL circumstances." I get so busy sometimes that I just forget to be thankful for the small things. I have a friend who has started writing down several things every day that she is thankful for. Not just the generic, "I'm thankful that I have a house," or "I'm thankful I have food," which are very legitimate things to be thankful for!! But even more specific, she is thankful for things like, "winter - it makes me grateful for summertime!" Or, "for warm socks!" That's great! So if I had to think of 3 things, right now, that I'm thankful for it would be: 1. I'm thankful for music. It lifts my soul when I'm down, helps me feel closer to God through worship, and helps me clean the dishes faster when I have something to dance to! 2. I'm thankful that I have a Godly husband who loves me so much!! He truly is a blessing! 3. I'm thankful for 3M command hooks. Sure helps in decorating a dorm room apartment when you can't nail anything into the wall! ...And now I'm beginning to think of more things I'm thankful for, but I only said 3 for now, and will save the others for later!
2. Make an effort to look pretty for my husband.
I must admit that there are days when I just don't care. It's cold, I don't have to work, and I'd really love to just stay in my sweatpants not caring what I look like. And that is why I'm thankful for my loving husband who has to look at me like that! Honestly, I've had this notion in my head for a very long time now, even before I was married. Something that I just heard my mother and grandmother talk about. Even though they may have had a long day, they would take a few minutes before dad gets home to make sure their hair wasn't a mess, and to do a quick touch up on their makeup! I can remember beginning to cook dinner with my sisters and my mom would say, "I'm going to go freshen up real quick before Dad gets home." I'm sure any guy would appreciate coming home to his wife and know that she took a few minutes just make sure she looks nice, just for him. (Don't get me wrong, I know that there are "grace days" when kids come along, and the baby pukes on you, the house is a wreck, and you've just "had it up to here!") But that's my resolution: to just take the few extra minutes to look nice for my husband and show him that I care!
I've never blogged before, and haven't ever considered myself a writer, but I just thought it might be a fun thing to do, and I already have so many ideas on things to write about!! So we shall see just how long this will last!
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